Ghost Grant
by Scandallover1
Summary: 17 years after his mothers death Jerry Grant is struggling to fit in with his fathers perfect new family. Can he find a way to fit in or will he always be the Ghost Grant? ( Mostly about Jerry but has fair amount of OLITZ) *I don't own scandal*
1. Chapter 1

So I had an idea for this story during math class today. Now I know I have like 3 unfinished story's but I really like the idea for this story so I'm just going to run with it and see where it goes. So basically this story is mostly about Jerry Jr but it will contain a fair amount of Olitz for the rest of ya'll. So this first chapter is just the prologue of the story and then after that it will switch to the present. Please don't forget to comment so I can know if this is worth pursuing. Hope you enjoy!

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 _16 years ago:_

 _It was around 11:00 when Fitz finally got home. He had stayed late in the office coming up with a game plan for his presentation to the budget committee tomorrow. It was his first time addressing them and he knew he needed their support but he also couldn't seem too eager to please. He was deep down longing for their approval. He knew that if they liked him then he would have an easier time getting things done, and he truly did want to get things done. He didn't want to be one of those politicians who just cared about reelection not actually helping the people who had called on them to serve. He had just been sworn in last month but he had already introduced over 70 pieces of new legislation. He had so many great ideas about how to make California great again. At first he had been hesitant about running for governor on his military record. He had wanted to wait gain more experience and not run on his navy career which had resulted in the murder of over 300 innocent people. It had been Mellie who had convinced him that he could help millions of people if he ran for governor this cycle. Just the thought of Mellie mad him sad, angry and confused. Ever since she had had Jerry she had been acting strange. Much more emotionally guarded, constantly alone, and completely unsexual. They used to have this undeniable sexual chemistry, but in the last few months it seemed to have just disappeared. He knew he needed to talk to her … apologize for their fight this morning when he had been extremely harsh. He knew he needed to really sit down and calmly ask her what was wrong, but he just didn't have time. Between trying to be a good governor and a good dad he just didn't have time to fully devote himself to being a good husband. He knew something was wrong but secretly he was hoping it would resolve itself so he wouldn't have to deal with it._

 _He yawned as he headed to the kitchen. He turned on the coffee machine and brewed himself a fresh cup. Every bone in his body wanted him to go to his bedroom and just climb into bed and get some good solid sleep. Sadly this was not the case, Andrew had left some last minutes remarks in his office and he had to review them before the committee meeting. Fitz was so wrapped up in his thought that he didn't notice her until he tripped on her body. He watched as his coffee cup fell from his hand into the air before hitting the floor cracking into a million pieces. As he regained his balance he looked down to see what he tripped on. As he looked down he felt like he was having an out of body experience. He felt himself grab her and hold her in his arms as he shook her trying to get her to wake up. As he grabbed the phone and called 911 all he wanted was to get back to her body and try to save her. As the EMT's raced towards the house he pulled her cold limp body into his arms. He just kept shaking her trying begging her to wake up as huge wet tears ran down his face. It was only 2 minutes before the EMT's arrived but it felt like a lifetime. As soon as they burst into the house they forced Fitz out of the way as they tried to give her CPR. After about 1 minute they stopped_

" _Why… why are you stopping!?" He asked frantically_

" _I'm sorry governor but there's no use …. She's gone"_

" _No … No … No … You have to keep trying, you can't just let her die!" He exclaimed the tears running down his face_

" _I'm so sorry governor but from the color of her skin it's clear that she's been dead for several hours" The EMT explained. As she said this Fitz felt like he had been shot in the chest. He felt himself pull her into his arms as he buried his dead in her hair and sobbed muttering softly "What have I done …. What have I done?" For the next hour he just sat there with her limp lifeless body curled up in her arms. Despite the pleading from the EMT's , the staff and even his lieutenant governor and best friend Andrew couldn't convince him to give up …. He didn't want to let her go._

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 _3 hours later:_

 _Fitz sat on the Sofa in the exact same spot he had since he had held her body. He couldn't move… he couldn't breathe … his wife was dead. She was dead and he had drove her too it. He had been selfish. Instead of focusing on her problems she made them all about him. He tried to push the thought out of his mind …. It wasn't his fault he didn't know... he didn't know his own wife was struggling. As he got lost in his sadness the world around him was a buzz. The staffers were trying to handle the media fallout and plan the funeral while the investigators tried to figure out what happened. As they began to get a clearer picture they reported their findings to Andrew. He then sat down next to Fitz to report the news to him._

" _Fitz… I'm so sorry about all of this" he said softly_

" _What did they say?" he asked_

" _What?" he asked_

" _What did the doctor say?"_

" _Um … he said that she overdosed on pills and the doctor thinks that she was probably suffering from post partem depression"_

" _Post partem?" Fitz asked_

" _It's depression you get after having a baby" Andrew explained_

" _So …. So the baby killed her?"_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey everyone thanks for the awesome reviews. Just to be clear this takes place in the present. Now this story is mostly cannon but a little bit of Au. It takes place about two years into his presidency. , hope you enjoy this update and don't forget to review..

He ran as fast as he could, his skin breaking the cold autumn New Hampshire air. He didn't notice this though, he didn't notice anything as his toes gently taped the ground as he raced down the field crunching the fallen leaves. Soon he was close as he got in position and began to apply pressure. Too much pressure and he would overshoot, and too little it would never leave the net. He knew the right amount though, he was after all a junior national lacrosse champion. As he added the pressure and tipped the stick he saw the ball wiz over the goalies head and perfectly fall into the net just seconds before the whistle. As soon as he heard the whistle he snapped out of his game trance to hear a mixture of people screaming his name in the stands. As second latter he felt the turf begin to vibrate as he turned around to see his crush of teammates running towards him before tackling his. As he felt himself hit the dirt he smiled even though it hurt like crazy, it was still nice to know there were some people in this world who cared about him. As he pulled himself away from the pile he ran to the sidelines to grab his water. As he was running people were all slapping him on the back and cheering his name. He quickly searched for his water bottle , but when he couldn't find it he just grabbed a random one. Suddenly he felt the coach walk up behind him and slap him on the back

"Great game today Grant"

"Thanks coach"

"I mean that last second goal was crazy… you know it's true what they say you were the best thing to ever happen to across at this school"

"I can't take all the credit … it was a team effort "

"No it's not …. None of them score 2 goals a game. We're not going to regionals because of them, none of them are going to Europe this summer to tour with the junior national lacrosse team."

"We don't know that yet…. I mean I only passed round one … I still need to be scouted and I don't know when."

"Well hey for all you know one of these people could be a scout" The coach said motioning to the stands

"Well I hope so … I really want this to work out" Jerry

"I know it will ….. You got a gift … and hey make sure to watch out for some of your teammates tonight at that party their all talking about" The coach said motioning to a group of the players who were notoriously bad people.

"Oh I can't coach ….. I'm sorry but I have to uh go home actually right after this"

"You call your dorm home?" The coach asked

"Oh no not my dorm …. I have to go home to the Whitehouse for some family time …. Kill me now"

"You don't like your family?" The coach asked

"There are 4 kids under the age of 4 it's like the Brady bunch and the moody teenager doesn't exactly it into that equation.

"Oh well good luck … and try to relax a bit … we need you in tip top shape for our big regionals game next week"

"Will do coach" he said as he walked past the throngs to fans to where Will his chief secret service agent was standing. Jerry didn't understand why he needed secret service anyway …. It wasn't like anybody knew who he was. If the agents were there he bet nobody would even recognize him.

"You ready to go Jerry? Will asked

"Ugh no …. I don't want to go why do I have to?" He complained as he grabbed his backpack

"Because your mother wants to see you" Will explained

"Okay A she's my step mother. And B I was there a couple months ago"

"7 months ago …. And you already got out of going last month" Will reminded him

"I didn't go last time because I was sick ….. And it only cost me 20 bucks to get a sick kid to sneeze on me" Jerry admitted

"Seriously you got sick to stay away from home"

"That place is not my home …. And I would rather be sick for a week then spend 5 minutes with Fitz"

"You know I don't think I ever met anybody who hated their father as much as you do"

"I only hate him because he hates me…. He's always disappointed and mad when he sees me and when my stepmother forces me to talk to him we always have these mean little passive aggressive conversations which are always fun" He said sarcastically as he and Will walked down the coble stone sidewalk past the lush quad and the huge brick buildings. Soon they were at the circle driveway in front of the school. There were at 5 of the huge Black Cadillac's with U.S. Government plate that filled the circle. This was one part of being the president's son that he didn't mind. He liked feeling important with the cars and the security …. But he but he had to admit he missed the freedom that came with not having a security detail trailing him 24/7. As they sped away from the school he looked back at the disappearing buildings and sighed. He thought about what his coach had asked about his dorm being his home and to tell the truth it sorta was home. He had lived there since he was 8 years old it was where he had started playing lacrosse. It was where he met his best friends Alex and Henry. It was where he had met his girlfriend Hailey …. It was where he had found other kids who just like him had been abandoned by their parents. Some might think abandonment was too harsh a term, I mean it wasn't like they were out on the street but for Jerry it was almost worse. If he was out on the street he would never have to see his father again but sadly he did. He would only see him when they needed some cute photo opts where he had to pretend for the cameras that they were close even thought they were the farthest from it. Soon they pulled onto the tarmac of a small regional airport. Jerry quickly got out of the car and boarded the helicopter. As he took the window seat he quietly strapped in he was alone in the room except for Will his chief agent, and Adam his other agent. Adam was knew and had only been working his detail for a couple of months, but will on the other hand had been there since the day his dad was sworn in. Sure it was kind of creepy to be stalked by security all the time but at least he was stalked by a nice security guards. As Jerry stared out the window he decided to try to get some sleep cause he knew it was going to be a long night.

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3 hours later:

Jerry was awoken by Will calling out his name trying to get the exhausted teenager to wake up.

"Jerry you have to get up were almost here" Will informed him

"Jerry groaned as he rubbed his eyes and stared out the window. He saw the Washington monument come into view as they circled around it towards the Whitehouse. Soon they were getting close and within minutes they had landed on the south laws of the Whitehouse. As Will opened the door Jerry stared out at the empty lawn. It had been 7 months since he had seen them and none of them even bothered to show up …. Classic. As he climbed out of the helicopter he felt his feet touch the ground as he stood up. He was tall, over 6 feet with intense lacrosse muscles. As he got out he began to walk towards the residence. It was crazy he knew where it was considering he had only been in the Whitehouse about 10 times in his life. As he walked down the hallway he suddenly saw her … his stepmother Olivia Pope.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone thanks for the reviews. So now I know some people don't like Jerrys relationship with his family but I think that's a really important part of this story so …. Please enjoy and don't forget to review.

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As she got closer Jerry stared at her. She looked great considering she had had a kid only 3 months ago. That's was Oliva for you …. Get pregnant have the baby and then get pregnant again. She and Fitz had been married 4 years and had 4 kids together. They had their oldest son, Bradley who was barely four. He was extremely active and bubbly and loved to be the center of attention. Then there was their daughter Regan who was Bradley's Irish twin because they were both born in the same calendar year. Bradley in January and Regan in November. Regan was daring and wild …. She was strong and determined to keep up with her older brother. Then there was Lilly who was less than a year younger than Regan. Lilly was extremely shy, but once you got to know her you realized how extraordinarily smart she was. She was extremely creative, but was a bit to color inside the lines type to satisfy her bold older siblings. And then coming in only one year later was little she really is. And finally there was Charlie the little boy who was the first boy to be born while his parent was in office. He was adorable and friendly and had charmed his way into America's heart. America didn't just love him though, they loved the whole family. They were the complete package with their whirlwind romance, adorable kids and stunning charisma everyone wanted a family like the Grant's. Well everyone but Jerry, he would give anything to be out of this family but then again he was never really in it. He was often known to the media as the Ghost Grant, the unknown child, the mystery behind the perfect family. To tell the truth he was a mystery to the press, going to school at the reclusive Dayston School in rural New Hampshire there were very few pictures of him that exist. It really mater thought because there really weren't that many people looking. Very few people knew he existed, in fact one of the most common questions he was asked was "How can you be the president's son if you're not black?" Now one might think he would be annoyed by that, but he would just brush it off, it wasn't like he hadn't noticed the kid's races too. They were black … well half black, sure they had a lot of Fitz's features like his hair and his eyes but that didn't change the fact that they were black. Although he didn't care, it did always remind him of how much of an outsider he was in his own family. Not only was Jerry white, but he was like white …. He extremely fair skin which was dotted with hundreds of freckles that dominated him in the summer months. It was something he had to except, just like he had to except that he wasn't really a part of the family.

Soon Olivia got closer to him, she heals clicking on the marble floors of the hallway. She looked gorgeous in a pale pink cashmere sweater and black jeans. He straightened hair framed her face , and it was clear she had gotten her body back after Charlies birth , although Jerry wouldn't be surprised if another baby was in the not so distant future. He tried to muster up some fake enthusiasm as she approached.

"Oh my god Hi" she said giving him a little hug.

"Hey Liv" he said …. That was always what he called her , never mom always Olivia or Liv.

"Oh my god you've gotten so big …. Its been so long like what … 4 months?"

"Oh um more like 7 I think"

"Wow 7 months boys does time fly" She said with a smile "Well I'm glad that you're here now ….. So your father will be joining us for dinner, but that won't be ready for a bit so if you just want to hang out or …. Something"

"Oh yeah well I actually think I'll go take a shower cause they made me come straight here from my lacrosse game" he explained

"Oh cool …. How did that go?" She asked in her fake stepford voice

"Um good ….. We won um 3 to one 1"

"Oh wow that's great … did you score at all or?"

"Oh yeah I scored all three times"

"Wow you must be really good"

"Yeah …. I'm kind of nationally ranked"

"Oh right yeah … I forgot sorry"

"Is fine …. So ….. I think I'll go" he said breaking the awkward silence

"Yeah you do that ….. I'll have your agents get you when dinners ready"

"Great" he said as he headed down the hall away from Olivia. He had to give her an A for effort … I mean at least she was trying which was more than Fitz had ever done ….. But her trying just always came out so fake and rehearsed ….. Then again that was kind of the story of his life at the moment. As he waked past the rooms 11 in all he heard a baby crying and the sound of staff hurrying towards it. Jerrys room was the one at the end, tucked away from the rest of the family. Technically it was his room but it really wasn't. It was like something out of a pottery barn catalogue with its nautical theme and matching bed and curtains. As Jerry entered the room he could feel the emptiness, there were a couple of family picture, none with him of course … and that was about it. There were no items …. No clothes just a big empty room ….. Everything that mattered to him was at boarding school. He quickly dumped his bag on the sofa and headed to the ensuite bath. He quickly striped down and entered the shower. He just stood there for a minute enjoying some peace before what was bound to be a hellish night. Finally he glanced at his watch and realized it was time to go. He went into the closet that just heled the stuff clothes required for the "Casual family dinners". He grabbed some khakis, a polo and a navy blue sweater. He took his time getting dressed before he slipped on his boat shoes and headed towards hell.

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As Jerry walked down the hallway with Will he felt nervous about what was to come.

"How long do you think it's going to be before he makes a rude passive aggressive comment?" Jerry asked as he neared the dining room

"Why don't you give your dad a chance" Will suggested

"So I'll take that as 5 seconds" Jerry said sarcastically as he entered the dining room where Olivia was sitting at one side of the large table while Fitz was sitting at the other feeding Charlie. As soon as jerry saw this he felt a mix of anger and sadness building inside of him. As soon as he walked into the room Fitz looked up at him, his happy expression quickly changing to angry/ disappointed / disgusted

"What are you doing here?" Fitz snapped … Jerry just let the insult roll of her as he laughed on the inside ….. He had only made it to 1 second

"Remember I told you this morning sweetie that Jerry was coming to visit" Olivia said trying to ease the tension.

"Yes and I specifically remember telling you I was too busy this weekend for any guests" Fitz said refusing to look at Jerry

"Well he's not a guest sweetie….. He's _family_ " she reminded him putting extreme emphasis on family

"Whatever" Fitz said turning his attention back to Charlie. Jerry quietly sat down next to Olivia as one of the valets served him food.

"So what do you eat at boarding school?" Olivia asked trying to spark a conversation

"Um I don't know … steak ….fries ….ramen really just whatever's in the cafeteria"

" Oh that makes sense …. Do you like the food …. I remember my boarding school had such good food:" Olivia reminisced

"Yeah it's okay …. Just really repetitive" Jerry explained softly

"Oh yeah well collage will be different …. Speaking of that …. Have you given any thoughts to schools?"

"Um not really no" he admitted

"Well I think you should start visiting soon and of course you would need special tours I would need to set up. So I was thinking Harvard, Yale , Princeton of course …. Maybe oxford and you know if you wanted to look at some back home Stanford is very good."

"Um no offence but if I wanted to look at schools at home I would look at Dartmouth…. New Hampshire's my home" he explained

" No it's not" Fitz said firmly

"Oh but it is ….. I mean I moved their when I was eight …. You remember that …. All the tears and the fighting and the screaming …. Oh wait you don't cause you weren't their …. You left it up to the Nanny to tell me that I was being shipped off to boarding school at eight years old" Jerry snapped

"You ungrateful little …..!"

"FITZ!" Olivia snapped cutting him off "Why don't we tell Jerry the news ….. we're expecting" She said with a smile

"Again?" He asked not surprised at all

"Yeah … it's crazy I know but …. I think we wanted one more" She explained

"Your acting like this is going to be our last one babe …." Fitz said

"Well it will be honey" she said

"I don't think so ….. I don't think a family of 7 is big enough" he said

"7 … wow thanks for including me in this whole family equation …. Great to see I'm appreciated" Jerry snapped sarcastically

"Oh Jerry I think your father meant the kids we have together …. Of course you're part of the family" Oliva reassured

"No you're not" Fitz said not looking up from his food

"Fitz" Olivia snapped

"What …. I'm telling the truth and the truth is that I don't think your part of the family." Fitz said coldly

"Oh yeah well I'm telling the truth by saying that you're an ass whole who deserves to die in a whole" Jerrys snapped as he got up and left the dinner.

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1 hour later:

As Jerry lay on his bed he couldn't stop thinking about the dinner. Everything about it was just a disaster ….. It was almost comedic how bad Fitz was at hiding his hatred of him. As Jerry thought of this he began to feel that sickening feeling of pain and guilt that he hated more than everything. In order to try to combat this, Jerry decided to catch up on The Office. It was the one show that would mask the pain for a couple hours. As Jerry grabbed his phone from his pocket he realized he needed his headphones. He quickly got up and unzipped his bag. As he rifled through it looking for the head phones he found it …. A tiny plastic bag stuffed full of cocaine.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys sorry for not updating sooner …. They never said that going to one of the best high schools in the country would mean a lot of work so I just can't find time to update, but here's a quick chapter for y'all. Now I know most of you don't like the family dynamic but that is the main point of this story is how messed up the family is. I promise that as I post more chapters we will begin to really see what happened in those 16 years that made them so screwed up. Please just try to stick with it and I promise it will all come together and make sense. First part of this chapter is juts ramblings and then the end is the important part. Also FYI I really don't like people calling this a Mellie story considering that as shown in the first chapter she has been dead 16 years. So just please stick with it and don't forget to post some reviews which I love to read.

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Jerry stared at the tiny bag of coke … where the hell did this come from? This hadn't been their when he packed his bag …. It wasn't his …. He was strictly an herbal man. As he started at it he quickly picked it up and flipped it over to see a post it stuck on the back

Her Bro heard you gotta visit your fam

Hope this takes the edge off …. You owe me

-Jaz

As soon as Jerry read that he let out a sigh … of course it was Jaz, Jaz was the schools resident bad boy …. Well about as bad as you could be at an elite boarding school. His real name was Jason and he was the son of a rich oil baron. He was a notorious player who always bedded the most girls every year. He had transferred to Dayston after getting expelled from Andover for arson. His teacher had flunked him on a test so Jaz threw it in the trash, grabbed a lighter and set it on fire. Luckily for him the universal truth of having enough money to make your problems go away stood true and he transferred to Dayston with a clean record. From their Jaz continued on his path, spreading legs and snorting coke whenever he could. Even with his bad boy status known to school officials his parents endless supply of cash got him out of all his messed up situations. Even though he was bad … he was also popular which meant he and Jerry were friends. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was the most popular kid at school. Not just because he was the president's son, but because he was a hilarious, charismatic lacrosse star who worked out 2 hours every day which kept all the girls interested.

As Jerrys stood in his room thinking about this his mind wandered back to the bag of Coke. He was going to chill Jaz, what if one of his agents had seen this, how much trouble would he have been in? As he rubbed the bag between his fingers he knew the responsible thing to do would be to flush it and pretend it never happened. Then again if he didn't return it, he would owe Jaz and that was definitely not a good position to be in. He could hide it, and return it when he headed back on Monday …. Or he could use it. It had been a rough night and this definitely would help. What the hell was he thinking … He couldn't snort coke … That was crazy. He had never done serious drugs, just drinking and a couple drags on a joint. He didn't mind pot but he was always afraid of the possibility of random drug testing that could keep him of the lacrosse field and away from what he loved. Besides … if he snorted the coke it wouldn't be for him …. It would be to spite his father which was not a good reason. As he stared at the little baggie he made his choice … he would hide it and return it to Jaz. As he quickly tucked it in his contacts case he began to think about how to destress after that hellish diner. He quickly decided to try to seek out something to drink. Luckily for him Fitz and Olivia were no equipped to handle teenagers so they had toons of alcohol lying around. All he wanted was beer but that was imposable considering Olivia's loathing of beer. He knew he couldn't get anything from the kitchen without the secret service noticing so he headed to the other room connected to his bedroom where he found a glass container of scotch. He quickly graded his water bottle from lacrosse and filled it up with some scotch. As he headed back to his room he took a sip of the burning liquid which tasted like rubbing alcohol. As he winced at the pain he found himself wondering how his father could ever stomach that.

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Next Morning:

BEEP BEEP BEEP … Jerry groaned as he heard his alarm go off. He meant to turn it off but had forgotten after he passed out last night from the scotch. As he stared at the nearly full bottle in his hand he began to realize the strength of this scotch. He quickly sat up shaking his head, letting his hair cover his face. He stared at his watch, it was 5:30, the time when he usually got up and went out for his early morning jog. He wanted to keep that up …. But he didn't quite know how. He left his room in search of one of his agents … soon he found will who was standing outside the door.

"I need to run" he said

"You can't … you needed to tell me last night so I could put a plan in place." He explained

"But you know I run every morning"

"At school but this isn't school … I thought you'd sleep in today"

"Yeah no …. You know me …. I need to get my mile in"

"Theirs's a perfectly full Gym downstairs that has a treadmill you can run on" Will explained

"It's not the same" He groaned

"Well I'm sorry but we don't have time to clear the route" Will explained

"Ugh …. Ur probably happy you don't have to catch up with me" Jerry groaned as he headed back to his room

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One hour later:

Jerry walked down the hallway of the residence his hair still wet from the shower. After running a mile on the treadmill … lifting weights and doing 74 pushups, every muscle in his body was screaming in a good way. Jerry had settled for the gym and still got in a good workout. As he headed back to the residence in his lacrosse shirt and khaki shorts. He considered heading back to his room and shutting himself in all day … but it would be no use. Olivia would always try to engage him in some family bonding thing. He instead headed to living room which was beautify decorated with Olivia's master taste. As jerry walked into the room he looked at the photos on the mantle, There was Fitz and Olivia, The whole family, just the girls and just the boys. Of course thought there were none of him. As he stared at the family photo he could see how much each kid looked like their parents. Jerry on the other hand barely looked at all like his father, growing up he had always tried to find similarities that weren't there. He'd always wondered if he looked like his mother, but that was hard to know considering he didn't know what she looked like. His father never talked about her and never showed him any pictures of her. His father had even had his staff take down all the photo of her on the internet leaving Jerry with a constant wonder of his mother. He often wondered about her … who she was and what he had done to kill her.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey guys …. So here's the next chapter … I finally have a day off so I can write a little. Just to clear some stuff up, I'm writing about Jerry not Teddy, Karen and Teddy don't exist in this story. Another thing, I was asked how Charlie was the only one born in the Whitehouse, but what I said was he was the only boy born in the Whitehouse because only one president has had children in office and he had a girl. Also Fitz is only about 2 years into his term so most of his kids were born in California. Hope you enjoy this chapter and please don't forget to update.

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As Jerry thought of this he began to feel the pain and anger building up inside of him. He quickly tried to push those feeling away …. He always did that, he had learned at a young age that emotions did you no good. He was doing pretty well until he saw the photo of Fitz playing with Bradley and Charlie on the floor of the oval. As he stared at it, at how happy they looked, he began to let his mind drift back to a place he seldom went to … his childhood. As he thought about the lonely nights, the constant stream of Nanny's, he began to feel the anger that he got some times, the uncontrollable deep fiery anger that would consume him. He felt so angry that he grabbed the picture frame and threw it on the floor watching the glass shatter into a million pieces. He stared at it for a second …. Even through the shards of glass he could still see the picture. He quickly picked it up not caring about the shards of glass digging into his finger, like he said, he felt no pain. He quickly picked up the phot and with one fell swoop he threw it into the crackling fire, watching as it burned into tiny little pieces. He knew he should feel bad, but he didn't ….. The wasn't the one who had made him this broken, Fitz had. As Jerry watched the photo disintegrate he called Will into the room to try clean up the broken shards of glass. As soon as Will walked in the room he realized what Jerry had done.

"You didn't"

"It slipped"

"I can tell …. And what happened to the photo?"

"The fire was looking a bit dead so I fixed that" Jerry said as he walked out of the room. Once he was a safe distance away he put the long shard he had swiped in his pocket …. You never know when you might need a sharp object to dull the pain. As he walked down the hallway back towards his room he heard the sound of muffled crying. He knew it was one of the kids but he wasn't sure which. He thought a nanny would come comfort the child but they didn't and a minute later the sobs continued. Jerry waked to the nearest door and pressed his ear against the door. The sound intensified as he pushed open the door to reveal Charlie sitting his crib his face puffy with tears. Jerry quickly walked over to the little boy who looked extremely confused at who this random stranger in his room was. As the sobs continued, Jerry tried to think of ways to comfort him, He knew nothing about children so this was not an easy task. He picked up the little boy, softly rubbing his back to and get him to calm down. He was so focused on trying to calm the little boy that he didn't notice the door open behind him.

"What are you doing?" The contempt laced voice filled the room. Jerry turned around to come face to face with Fitz

"What does it look like I'm doing?' He shot back defensively

"You don't know anything about children and you're going to hurt him so give him to me" Fitz shot back

"Oh okay so did you hurt Bradley? I mean cause you didn't know anything about children considering how you never took care of me a day in your life" Jerry said as he put Charlie back in his crib waiting for a response from Fitz.

"Wow you don't even deny it …. Least you're not like Olivia who is dumb enough to think that where a family"

"Get out "Fitz said

"Sure …. Oh and here you go" he said grabbing the piece of glass and handing it to Fitz. "It's so sharp it could cut someone … and we don't want that do we" Jerry said with a smirk. He walked out of the room leaving Fitz speechless. He walked back to his room and locked the door to keep out all those he hated most in his life.

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He finally left his room a few hours later when Will came to get him for the real reason he was here, Photo ops. He was led down the hall past bustling staffers, past everyone to the oval where Fitz, Olivia, and the kids were all being photographed.

"Look who finally decided to make an appearance" Fitz said in his fake family voice Jerry knew oh so well

"Sorry Dad" he said in his own fake voice.

"Oh no I'm sorry we have to do these it's just you're so busy at school you know" Fitz said with a fake smile.

"Oh I know …. Its sucks I can't be out here more to see these little guys" he said picking up Charlie and playing with him

"Oh god that's gold" the photographer said "Now pick up your other brother and let's see that" The photographer instructed "Okay awesome now smile for the Camera" she said as the bright flash filed the room. Jerry stared as the blinding light as it disappeared. That was basically a metaphor for his life , Fitz and Olivia would and bring him out of the Whitehouse , make a big deal with some photo ops and then boom right back to boarding school , like it never even happened.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a while, so I don't exactly have a direction for this story. I have about 5 ways that I might take this story so I'm really just trying to figure this out. I think I know how I will take it so this is just a set up chapter. The next couple will just be leading up to a few big events. So I will just post this and then this Thanksgiving weekend I will try to write a bunch. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Jerry headed back to the residence. The photoshoot was over and now it was back to reality. As soon as he got back to his room he stuffed all his stuff into his bag and headed towards the helicopter. He was heading back to school, the photoshoots were over and his being here no longer mattered. He remembered growing up his nanny's taking him to the governor's mansion where there were always photographers and writers watching him. It was the only time he saw his father, the only time his father didn't pawn him off to the nanny's was during those photoshoots. Growing up Jerry lived for those photoshoots. They were the only time in his life that his father payed attention to him. He too young and naïve to see what was really going on. To innocent to realize he was just a pawn in Politics. Growing up all he wanted was his father's love and respect … until that day.

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 _5 years ago:_

 _There was a faint crackle as the flight attendant came over the P.A._

" _Attention everyone the cabin doors are now open and you may disembark the plane, thank you for flying American airlines" she said in a chipper voice. Jerry quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and stood up in the isle. He grabbed his backpack from under the seat and disembarked off the plane. He was in the first row so he didn't have to wait long. He was always in first class even from his first flight by himself at 8 years old. Even though he had been accompanied by a flight attendant he was still terrified. Since then though he had gotten used to it, he flew all the time and actually quite enjoyed it. He glanced down for a second at his clothing. He was wearing khaki pants boat shoes a white collared shirt a black blazer with the school crest on it and a loose red plaid tie. He had learned a long time ago that wearing his school uniform was the only way that people would believe that he was not just some little kid sneaking into first. He remembered on a flight one time trying to order lunch at 9 years old when the flight attendant began to treat him like a little kid explaining that he needed a credit card. Jerry had loved it so much when he pulled out his platinum American express card rendering her speechless. He smirked at the thought as he headed to the baggage claim. He waited at the carousal until he saw his black duffel with the school crest on it. He grabbed it and then headed out the sliding door into the warm California air. He glanced around at the many drivers with signs looking for the ones that said Grant. There was always a driver there to take him home. Today though there was nobody. He was about to go hail a cab when he heard his father's voice._

" _Jerry!" he turned around confused at what he heard, his father never came to get him. He turned to see his father, tanned and muscular standing next to a woman. She was pretty with chocolate skin and long black skin. She looked young, perhaps early 30's._

" _Dad what are you doing here?" he asked confused at his father's presence._

" _What do you mean?" His father asked in his fake show voice_

"… _. Nothing …. So who's this?" he asked turning towards the woman_

" _This is Olivia my Fiancé" he said. Jerry knew he should be upset, usually that's a decision you included your kids in, he didn't want to fight though so he just kind of went along with it._

" _Wow … cool" he said_

" _Oh I'm so glad you think so, I was so nervous about meeting you" the woman said giving him a hug. "Part of Jerry wanted to push her away, this woman wasn't his mother but it didn't matter, he wanted his dad to be happy."_

 _Soon they all headed to the car where Fitz drove them back to the governor's mansion. Olivia tried to make small talk in the car and jerry wanted to be polite so he reciprocated. Soon they were at the governor's mansion. As soon as Jerry walked in Olivia asked him which room was his._

" _Oh um … my rooms downstairs" he said_

" _Downstairs? I thought only the staff lived downstairs"_

" _Oh yeah well my rooms in the staff section" he explained_

" _Oh why would you do that? I mean all the bedrooms here are so nice."_

 _Jerry threw up a little bit in his mouth thinking about how Olivia knew how nice all the rooms were. He hesitated about how to answer but the warning look from his father told him exactly what to do._

" _Oh yeah well it was closer to the Nanny's and you know there was always staff around so it was hard for me to sleep upstairs." He lied_

" _Oh well that makes sense but you know if you ever want to move upstairs you can " she said with a smile_

" _Thanks" he said with a smile. After some more chit chat he headed to his room , a dismal little cube in the basement. He felt sad as he walked past the rooms where Rose and Marta used to stay. They were is two personal live in Nanny's who did everything with him. They had been his best friends and the only people to truly care about him. They had been fired when he had went to boarding school. He missed them dearly and was hoping that one day he could see them again. He had loved them almost as much as he loved his father. Even though his father was cold and distant it was just because he was so busy at least that's what Marta used to tell him. Jerry loved his father regardless of his flaws because they were family._

 _Soon Jerry threw his bag on the bed then he headed to the kitchen to grab a snack. As he got closer he had his father taking so he hid behind the wall to eavesdrop on the conversation. He could hear his father and a man that he recognized as Andrew Nichols his father's lutennant governor talking to each other._

" _It's nice that Jerry's finally home" Andrew remarked_

" _Oh shut it Andrew, I don't need your stupid guilt tripping, I've had enough of that over the years. I'm not ashamed of the fact that jerry and I aren't close. Intact I'm glad, because being around him just remind me of all the awful things in the world" Fitz snapped. At that very moment Jerry felt like somebody had shot him in the chest. It was clear to him that no matter what he did his father was never going to love him so that he should just give up trying._

Oh snap so we finally get some background into Jerrys relationship with his dad. Now we know why Jerry is so cold to his dad. We also learned some more about his relationship with Olivia. Please don't forget to review and I promise another update tommorow.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys, thanks for the reviews, I'm so glad that people are enjoying the story. Now I know that Fitz seems extremely harsh but I promise we will address all of that in the next few chapters. So I know the last chapter wasn't the most exciting but I promise there will be lots of drama in the next few chapters. You'll see why at the end of the chapter. So I finally really have direction in this story and that makes me happy. Hope you all enjoy and please please, please, review, I really love reading the reviews. Just to note, this all takes place in the present right after Jerry leaves the white house.

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Soon Jerry was back in the car heading from the airport back to school. He stared out the window at the falling New Hampshire leaves. He loved Fall, it by far his favorite season. Fall meant beautiful foliage and the start of the lacrosse season. It also meant 2 years until collage. Jerry couldn't wait until collage. It wasn't that he was excited about living away from home, he had done that for 9 years, but because when he went to collage he was finally free. The June before he started collage he would turn 18 which would be true freedom. He would get to shed his pesky detail and would never have to go back to the Whitehouse. He smirked t the idea. Soon they stopped at the huge wrought iron gate that separated Dayston from the world.

Nestled in the White Mountains Dayston was the essence of privilege. Everyone who went there was rich and famous. They were the children of congressmen, senators, diplomats and businessmen. In order to even be considered for the school you need to come from a family that had upwards of 5 million dollars in the bank. This excess wealth and constant contributions of wealthy benefactors helped the school be catapulted to best in the country. It wasn't only known for its academics though. It was also known for its sports, picturesque campus, and successful alum. It was so good that over 75% of the graduates went on to the Ivy League. It was also the only boarding school in the country that started at 8 years old. This had been great for Fitz who wanted Jerry far far away from California. Jerry had hated the school at first but had come to tolerate it. When he had first been told that he was going to boarding school he had expected something straight out of harry potter. Part of it was similar including the quaint little town and gorgeous campus. Most of It was different though. It wasn't just like an unlimited sleepover instead it was like a prison. This was especially true for Jerry who stayed at school all year even over thanksgiving and Christmas. He used to hate it but now he would rather be here than anywhere else, especially the white house.

Soon they pulled up at the front circle. Climbing out of the car Jerry headed down the cobblestone sidewalks past the quad towards his dorm. Jerry walked into the lobby of the dorm smiling at Morris the security guard. Jerry walked through the common room with its roaring fire, beanbag chairs and 200 inch flat screen the common room was where Jerry would go for hours during the day. He headed to the far side stopping to talk to people along the way. That was the thing about a school as exclusive as Dayston, the grade was so small that everybody knew everybody else. He got into the elevator and headed to the 5th floor. When he got out of the elevator he walked down the hallway towards his room. He passed the room belonging to his girlfriend, he was about to knock when he realized that she was probably at field hockey practice. He headed to his room where his roommate and best friend Henry was sitting on his bed.

Henry was tall with blond hair and green eyes. He and Jerry had been best friends since they had started rooming together 8 years ago. They had both started at age 8. Both Terrified and abandoned they clung to each other to try to survive in such a lonely insular environment. Everyone at Dayston was lonely, everyone was just a rich child castaway by parents who never bothered to raise them. You would never know this by the perfect façade that these children wore, they all knew how to hide their emotions, Jerry better than anyone. He was great at hiding his emotions, the side of him that he presented to people was only one piece of his very complicated puzzle. You see jerry didn't like to let people in, sure he was friends with everyone but he wasn't close to anyone except for Henry he Henry was the only person that Jerry could show his true emotions to. As roommates they had spent lots of long nights up together and finally after years they had felt comfortable enough to show their true emotions. Jerry would talk about his mother and Father and the pain he felt over his mother's death. Henry would talk about his parents failed marriage and his older brothers drug addiction. Together they would get through the good times and the bad times like the time Henry walked in on his dad and his secretary. They were so close that Henry was like the brother Jerry never had.

"Hey, how was hell?" Henry asked

"The usual" Jerry mumbled

"Okay dude no 2 word answers are allowed here, tell me how it really was" Henry pried

"Well it was okay I mean minus the fighting but … he had all these photos of him and his kids and it just hurts so badly thinking about him playing with them considering he wouldn't even look at me when I was little."

"Yeah … that sucks man, I get it, it's hard to see your family just shun you like that but you don't need them to be happy" Henry said giving him a pat on the back

"Thanks man … don't know what I would do without you"

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2 weeks later:

It was around 10 pm and Jerry and Henry were already fast asleep. They had collapsed in the room after a grueling day of lacrosse practice. Their coach was getting them ready for the big regionals game next week by pushing the boys harder than they had ever been pushed. Jerry was so tired that he could barely process what was going on when Will entered his room and woke him.

"Jerry you gotta wake up, your father just got shot"


	8. Chapter 8

Hey guys, thanks for the awesome reviews. So I had a bit of a glitch with the last chapter and the sight not updating it. Luckily it seems to have worked itself out. So I'm posting this really early because I will probably spend the next 5 hours pressed up against the window watching the balloons. I'm lucky because my family's apartment is the penthouse so all balloons fly right by the living room so it's really cool. Hope you all have fun with your families and if you don't have family have fun anyway. So Happy thanksgiving hope you enjoy this update and please review.

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"…. Jerry, you gotta wake up, your father just got shot"

The second Jerry heard that he thought it was just a dream but after a few seconds he realized that this was no dream. As he began to process what Will had said he felt a feeling he couldn't quite place, Fear? Excitement? What was one to feel when their woken up in the middle of the night by a secret service agent informing him that his father might be dead. Jerry didn't have time to think about this, he quickly pulled off the covers fumbling around trying to find something to wear. As usual he would sleep in just PJ pants with no shirt. He quickly reached down on the floor and grabbed some kind of shirt from the pile on the floor. He pulled it over his head and slipped on his shoes before being pulled out the door by Will. As Jerry walked down the hallway he found himself flanked by 4 secret service agents with huge automatic weapons in their arms. Never had his agents ever showed their guns, this just made Jerry realize how dangerous the situation was. As they headed down the stairs they headed through the common room where everybody turned to stare at him as he walked by. He could see out of the corner of his eye the TV which was showing a BNC report about the shooting. He couldn't believe the one night he went to sleep early this had to happen. He knew he should be worried and concerned but he didn't really feel anything, all he felt was numb.

As the agents walked briskly across the quad Jerry struggled to keep up. He was trying to talk to Wil who was not giving much information.

"Where are we going Will?" he asked

"Hospital" he huffed"

"Not the bunker?" Jerry asked confused

"No… you're going to the hospital because your father might die and you need to pretend to care" Will snapped

"Yikes ….. I was just asking" Jerry defended. After that he stopped talking as he was rushed into a waiting car in which he was taken to a different airport with a different more secure plane. The plane was teeming with Agents all just watching him. He took out his phone and tried to watch the news but the service was spotty and cut out somewhere over Connecticut. Jerry stared out the window at the lights of the cities bellow. He imagined the people in their houses all across America glued to the TV following every moment of the coverage. It was funny that he was the son of the president and he probably knew less than some senior citizen in Arkansas did. As he continued to stare out the window he just felt numb. He knew he was supposed to feel sad and scared. He could be an Orphan right now and not know about it. He wanted to be scared but then again he really just didn't know how to feel. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice that they were close until they had landed in DC. The second the wheels hit the tarmac he was suddenly jolted back into reality. He was quickly shuffled by some agents towards a car where he sped of down the closed of streets of DC. He could see faces peeking out of windows and people standing in doorways looking at the car. After some extremely fast and erratic driving they were soon at James Maddison Hospital where his father was being treated. As soon as they got close he began to see the gaggle of reporters. The second they saw his car they all began to turn trying to get a look at how the Grant family was holding up. The second they pulled up the Agents opened the door and let Jerry out. As jerry walked towards the hospital door there were thousands of reporters flashing cameras and asking questions. Jerry ignored them as he headed towards the hospital. Suddenly he was stopped by a state trooper with a hand held metal detector. As the guy instructed Jerry to raise his arms Jerry began to realize how deshelled he really looked. He was still wearing his plaid pajama pants, he was also wearing the sweatshirt he had grabbed on the floor which turned out to be Henrys sweatshirt which meant it was about two sizes too small. His hair was messy and he had huge bags under his eyes. Soon he was cleared by the trooper and he was rushed down the hallway. He was quickly shown to the private waiting room where he saw a distraught Olivia still in an evening gown covered in floor. As soon as he entered the room she looked up revealing her face which was red and puffy. She began to stand up but he stopped her sliding into the seat next to her. Before he could say anything she burst into another round of tear. He pulled her into her arms and began to rub her back trying to calm her down and tell her it was okay. It was clear that she didn't blive him and to tell the truth he didn't believe him either


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys thanks for the awesome reviews. Now just to clarify the first part of this chapter in Fitz's POV during the shooting. The rest was is Jerry's POV. Thanks for reading and please review.

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 _Fitz stared out the window of the limo at the crowds that swarmed the streets. He was shocked at how many people there were. Sure it was his 50_ _th_ _birthday but still this seemed a little extreme. To tell the truth he had wanted to just stay home and curl up with Liv and the kids, but she had wanted a party and he knew never to argue with a pregnant lady. He turned to Liv taking in her beauty she was wearing a strapless shimmery silver dress that concealed her barely visible baby bump. She was so beautiful and he couldn't' wait for the real birthday treat, spending time with her in their bedroom tonight. Just the thought but a stain on his groin. He quickly pushed it to the back of her brain, the last thing he needed was to spend the whole party hard. Soon they had arrived and exited the car. They were walking inside when suddenly he heard a loud noise and felt a searing pain enter in his head as his knees scraped the sidewalk. He felt the sidewalk as he was picked up and thrown into the back of the car. Everything was blurry and he could hear the screams. Suddenly he felt it, her ice could skin. Suddenly he saw it, the yellow of the pill bottle and the blueness of her lips. As he began to slip away he saw her face. He couldn't hold anymore, but with his last remaining breath he whispered her name … "Mellie"_

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As Jerry tried to calm Olivia down a nurse came with a glass of water. As soon as Olivia drank it she began to stop crying and within the next 10 minutes she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He was worried at why she had just passed out like that so he asked the nurse who told him that there was sedative in the water. As he sat in the waiting room he pulled out his phone to discover hundreds of texts from people asking about his dad. He scoffed, he knew that none of them actually cared, they just wanted information to sell to the press. He replied to Henry and then to his girlfriend Hailey. He wanted to call her but figured that it wasn't the appropriate time or place.

3 hours later:

Jerry sat still in the chair thinking about what would happen if his father where to die. He would be an orphan. He didn't feel upset about the prospect f being an orphan though considering the fact he basically already was. The dictionary defines orphan as "A child who has lost both parents through either death or abandonment". Jerry remembered this because when he first got to boarding school he had tried to see if he could be legally declared an orphan so that he could be adopted by people who actually cared about him.

He sighed thinking about this, part of him wanted is father to die , to pay for all he had done , but as he stared at Olivia who was so distraught he wasn't so sure. Soon the door opened and

As they sat there a doctor wearing scrubs and surgical mask entered the room. Olivia was still sleeping on his shoulder when the doctor motioned for Jerry too zoned out in her own little world to notice him. The doctor spoke to Will for a second before motioning for Jerry to come over to . him. Studying the somber expression on the man's Jerryface, Jerry quickly walked over worried about what he would hear when he got there.

"Hi Fitzgerald, how are you?" the doctor asked softly

"He's dead isn't he?" Jerry said coolly

"What makes you think that?" the doctor asked

"Well if he died you don't want to break it to her so you want me to do it, that's why your called me over here right?"

"Well that is why we called you over here but your father did not die, in fact we were able to remove all the bullets." The doctor informed

"Wow … so what's the catch I mean if that was all good you would have told her already." Jerry pointed out

"Well your right it's not all good, there was a lot of damage and he slipped into a coma and theirs a fair chance he may never wake up." The doctor said trying to be gentle delivering the grim news.

"Okay then, I'll tell her the news, thank you doctor" he said as he headed back to Olivia. He slowly sat down next to her. Why was this on him? Why was he the one who was suppose o break the news? He knew that he was his father's only other living relative over the age of four but still … this wasn't fair to him.

"Jerry … what's going on?" she asked

"Um … well I was taking to the doctors and it seems like he made it through surgery." Jerry informed

"Oh my god … that's amazing, is he awake? Can I see him?" she asked as a look of relief flooded her face.

"Well you could probably see him but …. Well he didn't wake up, he … he slipped into a coma and they don't know if or when he will wake up" Jerry said deciding to rip the band aid of quickly

"No … No … he has to wake up ... he has to!" she wailed as she began to sob like he had never seen before. She began to shake and soon he had to hold her in his arms just to steady her. She quickly buried her head in his shoulder and began to sob thick wet tears. As Jerry continued to hold her he felt his hand getting wet. At first he thought it was just her tears but his shoulder was taking the brunt of that so this must be something else. As soon as he pulled his hand away he saw it , the blood that covered his hand.


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh my god Liv …Liv! You're bleeding" He said trying not to freak out. A confused Olivia lifted her head up off his shoulder, with her head out of the way he could truly see how soaked with blood her pants were. She saw it too and began to freak out

"Oh my god ….. What's going on ?" she said as she started to hyperventilate.

"Doctor!" he yelled quickly. The second the words left his lips the secret service ran over. There were so many people hat Jerry was quickly pushed away from an extremely emotional Liv. As the doctors arrived they could already tell by the amount of blood that she had lost the baby.

"Mrs. Grant your miscarrying I'm so sorry, you're losing a lot of blood we need to get you the D&C Now" the doctor informed.

"What ….no this can't be happening, not my baby!" wailed as she tried to get away from the doctors. As the agents tried to calm her down she began to scream and cry and kick and scratch. Jerry knew he had to do something to defuse the situation

"Liv you need to listen to the doctor!" he said

"No no no … I'm not letting him kill my baby" she screamed

"The baby's already dead! If you don't get the surgery the baby will be dead and you will too and you don't want your kids to grow up without a mother because believe me that sucks. So you will go in there and get the surgery NOW" He said forcefully. Reluctantly she stopped fighting and allowed the doctor to lead her to an exam room. She grabbed quickly grabbed his hand "Please don't leave me, I don't want to be alone" she begged a tear slipping from her eye.

"Oh yeah right of course I'll stay with you" he said reassuring her. They were quickly taken to a stark white room where she was instructed to lie in the chair. A few seconds later they rolled in a cart which consisted of a machine that Jerry had seen before on TV. As the doctor instructed her to spread her legs Jerry tried to look away, feeling awkward about this whole situation. As the doctor began to work he felt Olivia squeeze his hand tight as she trembled. He didn't know what to do or what to say. What could he say? He wasn't equipped for this. Soon the doctor switched on the machine and pulled out what looked like the end of a vacuum cleaner. As soon as she turned it on he winced at the sound, sure he wasn't close to the kids but it was still his little brother or sister that was being sucked out. He felt like he was going to be sick but he had to stay strong for Liv. He had never focused on how little people she had. He remembered that he parents were dead and that she didn't have any siblings but still it seemed crazy to him that he was the only one there for her. After 10 minutes the procedure was over. The doctor left the room for a second motioning Jerry to come with her.

"I'll be right back" he said before quickly heading out to the hallway. "Is she okay doctor?" he asked

"She's fine … the procedure went well and we reduced the bleeding, we just wanted to know if it was okay with you for her to be sedated" the doctor asked. Jerry was amazed that somehow her medical decisions were placed on him. He was reluctant at first but finally agreed it would be for the best. He tried to keep her distracted while the nurse inserted the large needle in her arm. After two seconds her eyelids fluttered closed. After he was sure that she was asleep he headed to the bathroom to wash the blood of his hands. As he stared at his reflection he began to realize that he really needed to go the Whitehouse and change his clothes. He was still in his Pj's and now he is smeared in blood. He headed back to the room and instructed Will to take him back to the Whitehouse. Unfortunately In order to leave the Hospital he had to go in front of the cameras who were dying for a story. As he walked down the hallway towards the door his agents surrounded him to try to shield him. As the door opened he could hear the questions and see the flashes but he just ignored it. Soon he was in the car driving to the Whitehouse. As he got closer he could see the vigils on the Whitehouse fence and countless police barricades. When he finally got into the White house he could tell the severity of the situation. There was extra security everywhere and all the aides were running around trying to control the press and calm the country. Every person that he saw would give him sympathetic looks. He quickly headed to the residence where he entered his bathroom and striped down to take a shower. As he stood under the water he could see the blood being washed off his skin. He sighed thinking about Olivia, what would she do if he died? How would she be able to carry on without him? He quickly pushed the thought to the back of his head as he turned off the water and headed into his bedroom. He suddenly though began to realize his problem, he had no clothing. Luckily his agents had thought ahead and bought him some stuff. Once he got changed her headed down the hall towards the children's rooms. He knew that Liv would be awake soon and he wanted her kids their when she woke up. As he entered the playroom he found Regan playing with her Nanny. Each child had, multiple staff with them trying to keep the kids occupied. He walked over to Regan who was sitting of the floor. He slowly sat down next to her

"Hi fairy" she said with a smile. Jerry was surprised that she knew who he was considering how little they had seen each other.

"Hey Regan, what's up?" he asked

"Not much… I'm drawing a picture"

"I can see, it's very pretty" he said smirking at the outline of a Christmas tree covered in red scribbles.

"Thank you …. Are you in trouble?" she asked not looking up from her picture

"No silly I'm not in trouble, why would you think that?" he asked

"Well … the other day I was in mommy and daddy's room and they thought I was sleeping and daddy was talking about you in his angry voice" she informed

"Oh … No daddy's not mad at me, I'm impressed with your listening skills, maybe you can be a spy when you grow up" he teased

"No … I want to be a soccer player and I want to beat Bradley's team but he said we can't because he's a boy and I'm a girl" she said with a frown

"Oh well that's not fair , so hey what if we show Bradley how mean he's being by doing girls thing , you see I was about to go see your mommy and how about just you and Lilly go … it can be a girls trip." He said with a grin

"Yeah …. Let's go" she said getting up and running out the door and down the hall to Lilly's room where she began to shake the bars of the crib in an attempt to climb them. Jerry quickly realized the danger of scaling a crib 5 feet up so he quickly ran over pulling Regan into his arms. A second later he picked up a very groggy Lilly who seemed annoyed at her older sister for waking her up. Jerry walked out the the bedroom still holding the girls when he informed the secret service of his plan to bring the children to the hospital. They listened to him probably because he was the only Grant who was mentally and physically with it. After getting secret service approval they headed to the cars along with extra guards and bomb sniffing dogs that Regan seemed hell bent on petting. When she finally did it was like Christmas had come early. As he climbed into the car he struggled getting an extremely squirmy Lilly into the car seat. Finally he succeeded and felt extremely accomplished as they headed of towards the hospital.

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A/N: Hey guys, sorry that there was no big cliff hanger but I just felt like that was a good place to end it. Poor Liv, first Fitz now the baby. So I really know nothing about miscarriages so if I got some stuff wrong I'm really sorry. It's cute to see Jerry bond with his siblings, I promise more of that in the next couple chapters. Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to review.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N : Hey y'all, thanks so much for the reviews! I got a ton of positive reviews on the last chapter which made me happy because I wasn't sure how this story was going. I also just want to apologize, after reading Coralsue3's review I realized how wrong my whole description of the miscarriage scene was. I really didn't know how it works and the internet was really confusing so I just kind of used stuff I had seen on Tv. I can tell now that described it wrong so I'm sorry, basically long story short she lost the baby. Now I have a lot of direction for this story and I'm going to try to write lots of chapters before I have to go back to school on Monday. So I also just want to say that this Jerry that I'm envisioning is 17 years old and is taller and a little bit older than the actor who played him on T.V. Okay so enough of my ramblings . Hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review.

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Soon they arrived at the hospital and Jerry pulled the girls into his arms. The second he had walked out of the car the reporters began to scream questions at them while flashes filled the sky. Both of the girls seem terrified of the mobs of reporters as they each buried their heads in his shoulders. He could hear Regan whisper "Fairy I'm scared … why they are yelling at me?" she asked

"Oh their not yelling at you Reg their just playing a game" he said cringing at how stupid that sounded

"I don't like this game" she complained

"I know Reg , it will be over in a second" he reassured as they made it to the huge doors of the hospital. Soon they had gotten inside and were heading to find Olivia. After Lilly began to squirm he put her down letting her walk with him. To tell the truth he really knew nothing about little kids. Growing up with no siblings and no family e never had experiences with children. This was especially true when he got to boarding school. The youngest kids you ever saw there were 8 years old which is young but not as young as these kids. He had seen these kids before but he had never spent large amounts of time with them. Sure they were related but they were so different from him. Although they had different skin, and different age if Fitz died they would have one thing in common being raised by a single parent. Then again he wasn't raised by a single parent, he was raised by himself. He thought about the kind of life these kids would live if Fitz died, at least they would know that they hadn't killed him, he on the other hand would never be afforded that luxury. Soon they had arrived at Olivia's hospital room where she was lying on her side with a glazed over look in her eyes.

"Maaaaammmmmaaaaa!"Lilly squealed as she ran towards her mother trying to climb up onto the bed. Liv turned for a second when she heard her little girl but she didn't reach out to help her up. As the little girl struggled Jerry quickly picked her up putting her on the bed with Regan. As the little girls climbed all over her she didn't acknowledge them. IT was like she was in some grief stricken other world.

"Hey Liv, how you doing?" he asked

"Why are they here?" she asked finally looking at him

"The kids? I don't know, I thought you'd like to see them" he admitted

"Kid's shouldn't visit their parents in the hospital… you shouldn't have brought them with you"

"I'm sorry I thought ….."

"You thought that it was okay to let them sedate me? You thought it was okay for me to be sleeping while my husband is in a coma …. How sick are you? Sick enough to try to kill your dad?"

"What the hell are you talking about? You can't seriously think I did this."

"You hate him more than anything … he dies and your free … you would get everything you ever wanted"

"I would get sent to federal prison , I would lose my freedom , I would loose and he would win and I will never give him the satisfaction of that so to answer your question no I didn't kill him" he said forcefully

"Fine…" she said before turning away from him. He could see that her eyes were filling with tears. Soon she was lying there with silent tears running down her face. He realized that she was not in the mood to see the kids right now. He took them out to the hall and took them to a vending machine. Luckily the vending machine accepted a credit card because all he had was his credit card and then a bunch of 100's. After he bought the girls tons and tons of candy he began to regret it. Within 10 minutes they had a massive sugar rush and were chasing each other around there room. Every time he caught them they would manage to get away. Soon he was exhausted trying to control these crazy toddlers. After 30 minutes they finally crashed from their sugar high. As he laid the girls down on a sofa he covered them with his sweatshirt. As he watched them sleep he hoped for the first time that Fitz didn't die , it was clear that his kids needed him.

XXXX

3 days later:

It had been 3 days since Fitz had been shot and with every day it seemed like he was slipping farther away. Jerry had stayed in DC because it was clear he was needed to hold the whole family together, Olivia had slipped into a depressed ghostlike state. She refused to leave the hospital and would often climb into Fitz's bed and just lie there for hours. He would go to the hospital each day to check on her and Fitz. It was clear that she was struggling and there was nothing that he could do. Over the past week he had gotten closer to the kids, who he actually enjoyed spending time with. He would hang out with them, playing games and watching movies and stuff. He would give them their nightly baths and then wake them up in the morning. They would often fall asleep in his bed after SpongeBob marathons. He loved hanging out with the kids, they were sweet and it wasn't their fault that he and Fitz hated each other.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys, so for some reason the last chapter (Chapter 11) didn't load so I don't think most people saw it so if you haven't seen it you should read that first. So just to jog your memory about the kids theirs Bradley who's 4 and Regan who's 4 and Lilly who's 3 and Charlie who's about 18 months old. So I know the last chapter being a bit dull but I promise this one will be better. The beginning of this is just fluff but then it gets into some more serious stuff towards the end. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter and a special thanks to jennkyle who always writes the nicest reviews.

XXXX

1 week later:

It was around 6 am when he heard their little footsteps on the hardwood floor. He quickly pretended to be asleep as the door opened and Lilly and Charlie ran into his room climbing on the bed jumping on the cushy mattress.

"Jerry Jerry Jerry wake up, I wana watch sponge bob!" Lilly squealed

"Okay sure we can watch SpongeBob, why don't you go take your brother and get the Tv ready … okay"

"Okay …. Let's go Charlie" she said grabbing Charlie's hand

Once they were gone Jerry grabbed his sweatshirt and headed to the family room as well.

They were at Camp David, they had been here for four days. It had been his decision for them to come here. It was better for everybody, there was no press, everybody was close to Fitz and best of all he could watch Olivia. Every day she would just lie in bed not even going to visit Fitz. She would just lie there for hours and sob uncontrollably. She wouldn't eat she wouldn't sleep she would just cry. He tried to help her but she just said she wanted to be alone. He would try anyway, going to see her every day to find her worse than the last. He knew she needed psychological help but no therapist would respect confidentiality so that was out of the question. He didn't know what to do, what could he do? Right now he was just focusing on the kids. He was playing with them and keeping them occupied and just trying to make them not realize how messed up everything was. He would also go to see Fitz. He looked awful and weak. He didn't want him to die because it was clear that Olivia needs him.

After watching sponge bob for a while, serving the kids breakfast and checking on Both Fitz and Olivia. He saw Will and he quickly walked over asking when they were leaving for the game. Will told him they would leave in a couple hours. Today was the big game between Dayston and Hardwick. Whichever team won would get to go to nationals next month. He knew he had to go, Hardwick was an amazing school and it would be hard enough beating them with him there, and impossible without him. He felt guilty about leaving Olivia but it was only a few hours. Technically he wasn't allowed to play because he hadn't been present in school for the past few weeks but his agents had been recording the classes for him and he had still been doing the Homework's and taking the tests to some extent. It didn't matter anyway, the school would always turn a blind eye.

XXXX

"Team huddle without me? That burns" he boomed asked sarcastically as the whole team turned to look at him

"Jerry what are you doing here?" the coach asked confused

"Well I'm at a lacrosse game in a lacrosse uniform carrying a lacrosse stick, do I need to explain more?" he asked

"I mean why are you here Jerry, you see be in DC with your dad"

"Yeah well I realized that you losers can't win without me so here I am … and don' worry I'll be back at camp David in a couple hours since you know I have the entire national military at my disposal" he said with a smirk

"You sure your up for playing?" the coach asked

"It's me coach of course I'm up for playing"

" Well okay then, seems like we might actually win this thing." The coach said as he walked away giving jerry a pat on the back. As Jerry sat on the turf stretching henry walked over and sat down next to him.

"Hey man how's it going?" Henry asked

"Good I mean I'm living in a cabin in the woods and my stepmothers gone insane and somehow all this responsibility is on me but I mean their kids are actually really sweet considering their spawns of Satan."

"Wow, am I sensing a truce in world war 3?" Henry tasked

"No I mean I hate him but I guess I don't want him to die which is weird because for years that's all I dreamed about" he confessed

"Maybe you're afraid of being alone" Henry stated before they both burst into simultaneous laughter. They were both alone, they had been all their lives. That was the thing that bonded all kids at boarding school, how utterly alone they were.

"So how are you?" Jerry asked

"Not to good , Noah fucked some girl a rehab and convinced her to slip him some oxy so now he's at a new place and my parents are putting so much pressure on me to be perfect and I actually wish they would just forget about me again , it would make my life so much easier. " Henry admitted

"Oh tell me about it, they always want me to make medical decisions and help Olivia and stuff and I'm not an adult, I'm 17 years old, I'm not the one who is supposed to bring my step mother back from the brink."

"That does suck …. I'm glad you came back for the game though, coach was flipping out saying we were going to lose"

"Yeah well I needed something to get my mind off children's books and diagrams of the human brain so I came here"

"Yeah how's your dad doing by the way?"

"Not good, he still hasn't woken up and I don't know if he ever will…. And if that happens then Olivia will go even more insane."

"Yikes well I mean maybe he'll make it, what are his chances of survival?"

"Its 50/50 so he might wake up or he might not"

"Well we gotta go play so we should think positive about everything" Henry said as he walked away.

The next few hours were a blur of balls, nets, screaming and a fair amount of turf stains. There were only 10 minutes left in the game. Ten minutes until they would go to nationals if they could just score one more goal. They were tied at 1 and if somebody didn't score soon this could be a problem. Jerry was about halfway down the field when Jaz got the ball. He quickly threw it to Jerry who began to run down the field as fast as he could. . Soon he was near the goal and was about to score. He could see the guy coming up behind him so he shot and he scored! The stands were filled with screams and people cheered and the other side boo'd. After that it was just a matter of rung out the clock and after 10 short minutes they had won. Everyone was screaming and cheering and chest thumping except for Jerry who quickly headed to the sidelines to helicopter back to Camp David. He had promised he would be there to read Regan her bedtime story so he had to get back. He also didn't want to leave Olivia for too long considering how fragile she was.

XXXX

Soon he was back at Camp David sitting on the edge of the tub giving Bradley and Regan their baths. It was going well except for the fact that their splashing had covered him in soapy water. The kids were using the bubbles to make beards and were seeing how long they could stay underwater which made Jerry anxious. He knew the water was shallow but the last thing he needed was to have killed another person. Soon the kids were clean and in their Pj's as they lay on Bradley's bed. He was reading them their favorite book Good Night IPad. After he finished he tucked Bradley in before picking Regan up and carrying her to her bed. As she tucked her in under the pink comforter she opened her eyes for a second and whispered "I love you Fairy" before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. Before he could appreciate how sweet that was the door whipped open and an out of breath agent appeared

"He woke up"


	13. Chapter 13

Hey guys thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. I will try to write another chapter today because once I go back to school I really don't have time to write. So this chapter is really short because I don't want to put too much to distract from what is really happening. So I hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review and I promise some more chapters later.

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He opened his eye, not quickly but like a groggy teenager being dragged out of bed on a Monday morning. As he opened his eyes the light was immediately too much to handle. Finally after what felt like hours he was able to slowly open his eyes. He was confused, his head was killing him like a headache on steroids. The pain was so intense he could barely handle it. He tried to move his arms to rub his temples but he couldn't move his arms, he was too weak. He glanced around the room while struggling to keep his eyes open. He was in some kind of cabin. The walls were covered in wood paneling and the ceiling had wood beams. the room was full of wires and medical equipment but it was far to rustic for a hospital room. He could barely breathe with something in his throat that made him gag. He was confused where he was... he tried to speak but the thing in his mouth stopped him from speaking. He felt weird and horrible. He accidentally pushed his fingers together which triggered an alarm that made him jump causing an Iv to fall out of his arm. Suddenly the door whipped opened and multiple people in medical gear ran over to him. They all swarmed him feeling his pulse, checking his bandages, reinserting his Iv. They all spoke to each other not even acknowledging him. Finally one of the nurses asked him to hold up 5 fingers. Even though it was extremely exhausting to just move his fingers he was able to do it. As more and more doctors filtered in and out they all seemed to be checking different things and graphs whispering to and pointing at fancy looking screens. Finally as some of the people left the young woman wearing a white coat who had asked him to hold up the fingers started to speak to him. She slowly told him to open his mouth as she removed a long tube. The second it left his mouth he quickly exhaled. He tried to speak to the doctor.

"Hello" he said in a raspy voice

"Hello sir, that's good that you can speak, so I just need to ask you a couple questions, is that okay with you?" She asked

He just nodded trying to ignore the searing pain in his head.

"Okay sir, so do you know what happened to you?" she asked

"No …. Did something happen to me?"

"Yes um … you were shot" the nurse explained

"Shot? Am I okay?" he asked slightly confused

"Oh … okay um can I have something for my head it's absolutely killing me"

"Of course, that was actually my next question, so how are you feeling."

"Um fine I guess, my head is killing me and everything feels kind of fuzzy and the light is hurting my eyes" he admitted

"Okay well we'll give you some stuff for your head well let you sleep in a second I just want to know what the last thing you remember is?" she asked

"Well um I'm not sure but I think it was my wife telling me that she was pregnant and I was so happy , I always wanted to be a dad " he said reminiscing . As soon as the doctor heard his answer she was satisfied until she let it sink in. She slowly turned around to face him again

"I'm sorry sir did you say you always wanted to have kids?" the doctor asked

"Yeah, I always loved kids" he admited

"But you already have kid's sir" the doctor reminded

"No … Mellie and I don't have kids, we just decided to have kids a couple months ago , we have the one that she's expecting. Speaking of that where is she … where's Mellie?" he asked

"Um I'm going to get another doctor I'll be right back" the doctor said apprehensively

By now he was so confused. Why was he in a cabin/hospital room. Why had he been shot , why were their so many doctors and most of all where was my wife?


	14. Chapter 14

The second he heard what the agent had to say he bolted out of Regan's room. He ran down the hallway out of the main house and towards the cabin where Fitz was being treated. He was scared, what would happen when he saw Fitz . Would something have changed or would it be the same old same old fighting? Before he could think about this he saw Olivia at the door of the cabin. As he got closer he could see that she was arguing with the agents. He quickly jogged over.

"I need to see him" she pleaded

"I'm sorry Mam that not possible" the agents said

"Not possible? You move I get through. It's not rocket science" she barked clearly getting angry. Jerry quickly ran over to defuse the situation

"Hey okay let's calm down what's going on?" he asked

"These idiots won't let me see Fitz"

"Okay well I'm sure that these nice gentlemen who risk their lives to protect us every day have a good reason why they can't let us in." he said diplomatically

"As we explained to your mother the doctors have said that they need to examine him before he can have a visitors" the agent explained

"Well I need to see him now… I can't wait!" she snapped

"Okay well Liv since we have to wait because we don't have a choice how about we be polite and go sit in the main house while we wait."

"No I'm staying here"

"Liv the doctors will tell us when he's ready , all we can do now is wait , so let's go wait in that nice warm cabin" he said. Finally after some careful persuasion she finally agreed. They headed to a nearby cabin where Jerry sat on the sofa while Olivia passed in circles.

"Hey Liv why don't you sit down" he suggested but she ignored him. "Okay so you don't want to sit what about eating? You know you haven't eaten in a few days , maybe we could get some of the chefs fried chicken , everyone always raves about it." He suggested

"How can you be thinking about food right now? He is in that room right now and something is wrong with him that's why there not letting us in"

"Liv that's not true, their just running some tests" he reassured

"I could be in the room during the tests , their keeping us out because something happened to him and they don't want us to know the truth" she ranted

"Okay Liv your seriously sounding like some crazy conspiracy theorist, maybe he's asleep or something"

"Asleep? He just woke up"

"He didn't wake up, he came out of a coma that's a totally different thing , when he's ready the doctors will come get us " Before she could respond there was a knock at the door and the doctor entered the room.

"Oh my god doctor …. How is he? Can we see him?" she asked her mind racing a mile a minute

"Um Mrs. Grant can you have a seat" the doctor said softly

"What happened to him? Did he die?" Olivia asked starting to hyperventilate

"No… No Mrs. Grant your husband's fine, he's responding well he can move his fingers and toes. He can speak and respond but he's having memory issues"

"Memory issues?" Jerry asked concerned at how serious that sounded

"Yes, he has forgotten a large portion of his memory, we have a team of specialist's flying in to help formulate a game plan to retrieve the memories." She explained

"I need to see him" Olivia declared

"Mrs. Grant that's not possible. Not until the specialists get here"

"Why not?" she asked

"Well Mrs. Grant your husband believes that its 1998"the doctor explained

"1998? So he doesn't know who I am?" she asked

"No at this moment he doesn't know anything"

"Okay so all the more reason for me to see him, it will spark a memory or something." She rambled

"Mrs. Grant we can't do that, if he sees you he might remember you" the doctor explained

"Your saying that like it's a bad thing"

"It is a bad thing Mrs. Grant, I don't think you understand what I'm saying, your husband thinks that it's 1998 and in 1998 his first wife wasn't dead yet." The doctor explained. The second Jerry herd this it began to dawn on him. He never knew the date of his mother's death but he knew it was about 2 months after his birthday which meant that she probably died sometime in late December.

"Does he know about me?" Jerry asked as his began to spin. What would happen now? Would Fitz remember and if he did what would happen then.

"He sort of knows about you um well you see the last thing he remember is finding out that your mother was expecting you. Now this is not uncommon for the brain to try to block out bad memories and to try to hold on to the good ones. In fact I'm not surprised that that is his last memory." The doctor explained

"Okay so what do we do now?" he asked

"We wait"

XXXX

The next day:

It was the next day and Jerry was sitting next to Liv in the main house. They were meeting for the first time the team that would be responsible for bringing back Fitz's memory. There was a team of doctors and neurosurgeons headed by Doctor Jill Baker. Doctor Baker was an older woman who was at the top of her field in memory's and the human brain. She was here to help him ease the transitions back to his full self.

"I observed him earlier and from what I can tell and from what the doctors told me he seems to remember his childhood in California he remembers the Navy and his time at Harvard with your mother and then after your mother tells him that she's expecting you everything just goes black." Jill explained

"So how do we make him remember?" Jerry asked

"Well that's the complicated part and unfortunately for us the only way to retrieve the memories is by first breaking the news to him that your mother is dead."

"If that's so important then why haven't you told him yet?" Olivia snapped

'"Well Mrs. Grant we need to be careful how we break this to him , this will be very painful , he will have to basically loose her all over again and if not done in the right way it could break him to the point beyond repair." Jill explained

"Well do you want me to tell him?" Jerry asked

"No, he thinks you're a unborn baby, if he sees that you're a teenager he will just be confused, we need somebody from his past somebody who was their 17 years ago. Now his father is dead and most of his friends are scattered or weren't around back then. Our options are extremely limited, I was thinking maybe we could get your grandmother to come" Jill suggested. The second Jerry heard Jill mention his grandmother he immediately tensed up.

"What about Cyrus, he was their back then, he ran my dad's campaign for governor" Jerry reminded

"Cyrus Beene , that could work , he could work , good idea Jerry. So now I just want to tell you both that were going not to tell him everything, all were going to tell him is that she got sick and didn't make it , were not going to talk about how she died"

"So you're going to lie"

"Sometimes lies hurt less than the truth"


	15. Chapter 15

1 day later:

Jerry stood on other side of the glass. It was the kind of glass where you can see what's in the room but the person in the room can't see you. He was standing in the room with Olivia and the team of doctors. They were about to send Cyrus in and everybody was extremely nervous how that was going to go. As Jerry stared at Fitz he could tell how confused he was. He kept on looking around, looking at his hands feeling his face, it was clear that Fitz had no clue what was happening. It was funny for the first time in his life Jerry actually felt bad for Fitz. I mean waking up and not remembering anything that must be really confusing. Jerry wondered how Fitz would react when he found out. Would he be sad? Would he grieve? Jerry didn't know the answers to these questions, as far as he knew his father never grieved he just lashed out. Before he could think about this anymore, Jill informed him that they were about to start.

Soon the door to Fitz's room opened and Cyrus slowly almost apprehensively walked in. the second Fitz herd the door open he whipped his head around. For a second he looked at Cyrus confused before he realized who it was.

"Cyrus is that you?" he asked

"Yes sir it's me"

"What are you doing here?" Fitz asked

"I'm here to see you"

"You came all the way to California to see me?" Fitz asked confused, he barely knew Cyrus and he was always complaining how busy he was.

"Were not in California sir, were in Maryland at Camp David"

"Camp David? Like thee Camp David?"

"Yes sir"

"But that's only for presidents"

"You are a president sir"

"What? What are you talking about, I'm running for governor."

"When you got shot sir you lost a lot of memories, it's not 1998 sir it's 2016" Cyrus explained

"2016? So what happened all these year in between?" Fitz asked

"Well lots of things happened and the doctors say your memories will come back it will just take some time." Cyrus explained

"Wow so I really made … all the way to the Whitehouse" he asked

"You did"

"Wow … that would explain why you keep calling me sir" Fitz said with a small chuckle

"Oh yeah, I guess I'm just used to it by now"

"Yeah wow…. I'm sorry this is just a lot to wrap my head around, you're not like playing with me right, like I'm actually president?" Fitz asked still in disbelief

"No sir I'm not playing with you, you're really the president"

"Wow okay well Mellie must be happy, she's always dreamed about being first lady, speaking of that where is she?" Fitz asked confused at why Cyrus was here before his wife was. Cyrus knew what to do, we knew exactly what to say but that didn't make it any easier. He had been there after her death. And to say Fitz hadn't taker her death well was an understatement.

"Listen Fitz I don't know how to tell you this but she didn't make it, she got very sick and she passed away 17 years ago" Cyrus said softly.

"What … no you're … You're lying" he shot back

"I'm not Fitz, I'm so sorry but she's dead"

"No No! Your lying to me, your making this up, she's not dead, I just saw her" He ranted

"Fitz I'm so sorry about all of this but you need to except …"

"Need to accept … accept that you're lying to me …. She's not dead I know she's not dead, she's here, she wouldn't leave me she wouldn't die" he screamed

"Sir I …. I"

"STOP LYING! I need to get out of here… I can't stay here I don't know what kind of sick game this is but I need to go" he ranted as he tried to get up. His legs were weak thought and he continued to stumble and the iv left his arm. A few doctors ran in trying to calm him down as fresh blood appeared at his bandage. He was thrashing around trying to leave the room. Jill and Jerry were watching intently while Olivia was freaking out. Soon Fitz was become more aggressive shoving a doctor out of his way screaming " SHE'S NOT DEAD!" trashing around going crazy. It soon became clear that the doctor's efforts would not work. As he was thrashing around a doctor stuck a huge needle in his arm and a second later her had collapsed back into the chair.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Olivia asked horrified

" They sedated him because clearly that didn't go very well." Jill said " We'll try again tomorrow" she said as she walked out of the room

XXXX

It was the next morning when Jerry was summoned to meet with Jill , unfortunately Regan was being extremely clingy today and refused to let go of his leg , she finally let go after being promised candy and snacks. He headed to meet with Jill. When he got there he sat down next to Jill who got straight to the point.

"Your father is having trouble believing what year it is so I'm hoping that by seeing you he will start to realize that were not all weirdos lying about everything"

"Okay I get that but why me I mean he doesn't know I exist." He pointed out

"He knows that you will exist , he thinks you're an unborn fetus and so seeing you as a teenager might make him realize that were not lying" Jill explained

"Okay well no offence but I'm not the right person for this."

"Oh and why is that?" she asked

"Well he and I hate each other so I don't think I can help"

"You are probably his only hope so were going to try our chances okay"

"Fine I'll give it a try"

Finally after hours of Prep Jerry was ready. Well he was ready in the sense that he knew what to say but not in the sense that he was ready to come face to face with Fitz. He didn't know what would happen, if Fitz would remember him or not, if Fitz would remember what he did. As he stood in front of the door to the room Fitz was staying in, part of him wanted to run. Part of him wanted to hide from the man who had stolen his childhood. He felt sick, he wanted to run away and never come back but that wasn't an option. He had to man up and face his fears even if his fear was his own father.


	16. Chapter 16

Hey guys thanks for the awesome reviews. So I'm really excited because I just realized that this is officially my longest story and I'm not stopping any time soon. I think I realized that focusing on one story was better than focusing on like 5. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review because I love reading your feedback.

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After standing at the door for what felt like hours he finally worked up the courage to go inside. As he turned the cold handle he could feel his palms begin to sweat. Would Fitz remember him, would they have a pleasant non-confrontational meeting for once or would it be just like the old times? Before he could think about this he decided to push open the door. Although he knew it would be best to treat it like a band aid and just get it over with , his internal self was telling him to just run away. He finally mustered up enough courage to open the door and enter the room. The second he heard the door open Fitz turned to see which doctor was here to run more tests. All that had happened in the past few days were lots and lots of tests. The second he looked up though he thought he must be dreaming, the similarities were uncanny.

"You look just like her" he said more to himself then to the boy standing at the doorway. When he finally snapped out of his haze he began to realize that he had no clue who was this strange boy who looked just like his wife. "I don't understand, who are you, how do you look so much like her?" He asked. At first Jerry was unsure of how he felt, on one hand he was relieved that his father wasn't angry at him, but deep down it also hurt that his own father didn't remember him.

"Um well I guess I look like her because I'm, I'm her son" he said slowly trying not to startle Fitz

"Mellie has a kid?" he asked confused at how this was possible

"Um yeah, I'm her son, I'm yours to"

"What are you talking about?" Fitz asked as his head began to spin

Well I'm the baby that she was expecting" he explained slowly as Jill had instructed

"But you're not a baby you're a teenager" he pointed out

"Yeah well you're missing virtually all your memories from the past 16 years" he explained

"Wait did actually happen, did I not dream that?" he asked

"Dream what?" Jerry asked

"Cyrus coming in here, talking to me, was that real?"

"Yeah that was real"

"So I'm actually president and you're actually my son" he asked his eyes lighting up

"Yeah that's all real, your president, you've been president for like 2 years now"

"I made it?" he asked

"You made it, but my mom didn't. You know that right? That she passed away, do you remember Cyrus telling you that?"

"That was real too?" he asked tears forming in his eyes, Jerry had never seen him cry ever.

"Yeah that was real too"

"I thought …. I thought maybe that was a dream or a nightmare I guess"

"No … I'm so sorry"

"So I stayed Governor after her death?" he asked

"Yeah, you really liked helping people I guess"

"And then I ran for president?" Fitz asked

"Yeah um you got into office about 2 years ago"

"So we live in the Whitehouse together?" he asked

"Um well not really, I go to boarding school in New Hampshire but I come home a lot" he lied

"Wait so I live alone in the Whitehouse?" he asked

"No um … you actually live there with your wife."

"My wife? I thought Mellie died"

"She did… you have a new wife" he explained

"I got remarried?" he asked not able to wrap his head around the idea of moving on from Mellie

"Yeah um you married your new wife Olivia like 5 years ago and you guys live in the white house together with your kids."

"Kids?" he asked his face lighting up

"Yeah um four of them"

"Wow four kids, that's crazy … can I meet them?" he asked

"Oh yeah um sure I'll go tell someone to get them" he said as he began to leave the room, before he left though Fitz spoke up again

"Wait a second I realized I never got your name" Fitz said

"Oh yeah um sorry, I'm Jerry well Fitzgerald but I go by Jerry"

"Wow you have the same name as I do"

"Yeah, Family name you know"

"Right yeah of course, well it was nice to meet you Jerry I'm sorry I don't remember you I just I don't know, everything is just so confusing right now."

"It's totally fine, I'm just, I'm really glad you made it dad" Jerry said using a word he hadn't used in over 10 years. When he had left for boarding school it had switched from dad to Fitz.

As soon as Jerry left the room he was greeted by Jill who was going on about how Great Jerry had done. He had been calm and gentle and had gotten Fitz to open up. After a few minutes of careful consideration Jill decided it was okay for Liv and the kids to join him. They decided to only let Regan in as to not overwhelm Fitz. Jerry quickly got Regan and headed to Fitz's room. Jerry pushed the door open knocking slowly. As Fitz heard the sound he quickly turned his head to face the door.

"Hey Fi… Dad um I got somebody here who want to see you" Jerry said as he entered the room.

"Um Dad this is your daughter" he said motioning to the little girl in his arms

"My Daughter? My wife is …"

"African American yeah"

"Wow cool, she's beautiful, may I?" he asked

"Of course, she's your daughter"

"Right, Hi sweetie, hi …"

"Regan"

"Regan? After the president?" Fitz asked

"Yeah …. The base loved it some people thought that that alone won you the primary."

"Wow" he said pulling the little girl into his arms

"Hi daddy, I missed you" she said snuggling her head in his shoulder

"She's so cute … I can't believe I don't remember her"

"Yeah well I mean you're lucky to be alive and your memory will come back so just going to have to work through some stuff"

"Yeah well I'm glad you're here, you really see, like a great brother and a great son" Fitz said as Jerry felt his stomach drop , he knew that this father son bond would not last when his father found out the truth about what he had done to his mother.

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Yikes so it seems that Jerry still blames himself, Wonder what will happen next?


	17. Chapter 17

Hey guys, sorry it's been so long since my last update, I was just really busy with school and stuff. Luckily now that it's the weekend so I had time to write this chapter and hopefully another one soon. Just out of Curiosity has anybody ever read the book "The Catcher in the Rye?" If so, that's kind of what I'm basing this story of off. So this chapter, is sort of the eye of the hurricane so it's pretty boring but then believe me things will pick up fast. Anyway please enjoy and review.

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After a few minutes he took a very sleepy Regan back to her room. On his way back he ran into Olivia

"I was looking for you" she said quietly

"Oh okay well I was with Fitz and …"

"Wait a second what they let you in!?" she asked clearly shocked

"Yeah um Jill wanted me to talk to him"

"What! Why was I not let in" she said clearly getting angry

"Well I don't know I guess Jill didn't think it was a good idea"

"Jill's not his wife … I'm his wife, I need to see him"

"Liv I don't …"

"Please Jerry" she said as her eyes flashed with pain and longing

"Fine for like a second okay and then he needs to rest" he explained

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10 minutes later:

Jerry pushed open the door to Fitz's room. The second he heard the door open Fitz looked up and locked eyes with Olivia

"Are you Olivia?"

"Yes … how did you know?"

"Well uh he told me some stuff" Fitz said motioning to Jerry

"So … You don't remember me?" she asked in disbelief as he shook his head. "But it's me Fitz …. It's me you have to remember me!"

"I don't I'm sorry" he said softly

"No …. No It's me … I'm your wife, you have to remember me!" she ranted becoming more hysterical with every word

"I… I don't I'm sorry I just everything is so confusing and …."

"It doesn't matter Fitz … I'm your wife you have to remember me!" she began to scream

"Okay Liv why don't we just calm down" Jerry suggested

"No …. No … he has to remember me!" she screamed

"I don't I … I'm sorry I just I don't know what to think and I'm just so confused and the room is spinning and I don 't know who you are and this is a dream she's not dead …. She's not dead!" he said as he began to rant clearly getting extremely confused and overwellmed …. A few second later the door opened and two agents dragged out an extrmly emotional Olivia who wouldn't stop screaming. Once she was gone Jerry was unsure how to continue. He knew he should go take care of Olivia but he also didn't know what to do about Fitz.

"Please leave" Fitz said firmly

"Okay … I … are you okay? I'm sorry about Olivia she's just really emotional"

"I don't know what to think ….. I just need some space, Please just leave I need to … I don't know what to think right now I just … please leave"

"Okay I … I'm sorry about all of this" he said as he left the room

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5 days later:

It had been 5 days and Fitz was still having huge struggles understanding that this was real. He couldn't seem to comprehend that this was his life. There was still some part of him that thought this was a dream or some kind of sick joke. He was doing much better physically, he could walk and his stiches were removed but his mind was still just as damaged. Everyone knew they needed more creative solutions to help him. Jerry was currently not worrying about this, instead he was sitting on the floor of the kitchen playing with Regan.

"Fairy … what happened to mommy?" she asked

"What do you mean?" he asked

"Last night I had a nightmare and I went to mommy's room and she was crying and I asked where he owchie was but she didn't tell me she just kept Crying. Then Marta told me to go back to bed"

"Oh well mommy just wasn't feeling well, she's fine, don't worry, and next time you have a nightmare come wake me up" he said

"Okay … can we watch sponge bob?" she asked

"Yeah sure, why don't you go start watching, I'll be there in a minute I'm just going to go look for mommy" he said as he got up and headed towards Olivia's room. As he walked down the hall he heard people talking

"He's not getting better … we need to work harder" he heard somebody say as he got closer to the door. Once he got to the doorway he saw it was a room filled with his doctors, Cyrus and Olivia. He stood in the doorway listening for a second before letting his presence be known.

"Hey guys what you talking about?" he asked

"Um Jerry why don't you have a seat" Jill said

"Um okay … now I'm worried … is he okay?" Jerry asked as he sat down next to Olivia

"He's fine … well physically he's fine, but mentally it's a different story" she explained

"I thought he was doing better thought"

"Well not really I mean it's one step forwards two steps back, one second he's mourning the death of your mother , the next second he's convinced himself this isn't real and that this is some sick twisted nightmare" Jill explained

"Okay so you're the expert … what do we do?

"Well I think we need to go back to square one, finding people from his past" she admitted

"Okay so why don't you do that" Olivia snapped

"Well your husband did a good job of really shutting out everybody from that part of his life, from what we can tell there were few people he was really close to" one of the doctors explained

"Okay well why don't you find those people? Jerry asked

"Were trying, actually um were thinking about asking your grandmother"

"Fitz's mothers dead" Olivia pointed out

"Not her, were talking about Jerry's mothers mother"

"How would she help?" Olivia asked

"Yeah how would she help?" Jerry blurted out as his palms began to sweat, it didn't matter if she could change him , if she could bring Fitz back ,nothing would be worth having to see her.


	18. Chapter 18

Hey guys thanks for all the reviews. So I know it was pointed out that in real life all this responsibility wouldn't fall on a teenager but in this story I really wanted to show that he is the one holding the whole family together. So anyhow it might not be totally accurate but just for the purpose of this story I'm just kind of having it all fall on Jerry (For Now). I've said too much. Well anyway enjoy this chapter … I've put in a TON of drama.

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She was coming today, his grandmother was coming. He felt like he was going to be sick. He decided that he would just ignore her. She didn't want to see him so he didn't want to see her. She was worse than Fitz at least he never said flat out that he killed his mother but she had. That's why she had never come to visit him, she had always hated him and blamed him. He didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to think about her. He knew that she would be here this morning so he made sure to stay locked in his room. It was around 2:00 and he assumed she was gone so he exited his room to head to outside to get better service to call Hailey. As he headed outside he ran straight into the person he had been avoiding forever.

"It's really you" she said in disbelief

"I'll leave don't worry"

"No please don't ... I want to talk to you"

"Wow what changed?" he snapped sarcastically

"What are you talking about?" she asked

"What am I talking about!? I'm talking about you blaming me for my mother's death and abandoning me because of that"

"Did your Father tell you that?"

"He didn't have to tell me that, you never coming to visit, never reaching out to me told me that"

"I wanted to see you I wanted to find you but your father wouldn't let me"

"I don't believe you" he snapped

"Please listen to me … I was looking for you …. I can prove it to you" she said as pulled out her wallet and handed him a picture. It was tiny wallet sized photo of a little boy sitting on a bench next to two older women. For a second he was confused until he saw one of the women's face. It was his old nanny, suddenly it all clicked, it was him. The little boy in the photo was him from years ago in Sacramento"

"Where the hell did you get this … did you take this?" he asked

"No … I… I hired a private investigator to get photos of you" she admitted

"You did what?"

"I know it was wrong but Fitz wouldn't let me anywhere near you so I got desperate, I'm sorry"

"You mean you were looking for me , you wanted to see me the whole time?"

"Of course I wanted to see you but"

"But Fitz wouldn't let you"

"Jerry I …I'm sorry … I wanted to see you but he told me that she hated me for abandoning her at boarding school. He said I was an awful mother and that he didn't want me anywhere near you… I tried whenever I went to visit her grave I would call him but he wouldn't let me near you, I shouldn't have stopped, I should have tried harder but I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault …. It's his, he lied to me, he robbed me of any chance at a family, and he's a sick twisted monster who made it his life's mission to ruin mine"

"Jerry it's …. It's not that simple"

"Yes it is … he tormented me and he made sure that I had a miserable life just make him feel better about his and I'm done" he snapped

As he stormed away he headed towards where Fitz was staying, he didn't know what was going to happen now but it didn't matter he was mad no not mad , he was fuming , Fitz had lied to him. He had told him that she had hated him for killing his mother. He had kept an entire family from him and that was unforgivable. The second he got to the room he burst inside. Fitz was sitting on the bed next to Olivia talking to Jill. The second he opened the door they all turned to him.

"Jerry are you okay?" Fitz asked

"Okay am I okay? No I'm not okay and you've made sure of that!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Wow I can't believe you really don't remember how sick and sadistic of a person you are" he snapped

"Jerry stop" Olivia said

"Stop it …. Stop it oh that's rich coming from someone like you who was in a puddle a few days ago." He screamed at her as he turned to Fitz "Their lying to you …. You know that right, their lying to you, she didn't get sick, she killed herself! She swallowed a fistful of pain killers and drifted off into oblivion just to get away from you. SHE KILLED HERSELF BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOU'RE SO AFRAID OF THAT THAT YOU BLAMED IT ON ME. YOU BLAMED IT ON A 2 MONTH OLD BECAUSE YOU ARE A SICK SADISTIC MONSTER WHO WON'T ADMIT THAT YOU KILLED HER! YOU DECIDED THAT INSTEAD OF BLAMING YOU WOULD BLAME ME . YOU HAVE SPENT EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE MAKING SURE THAT I KNEW THAT I KILLED HER. YOU SHIPPED ME OFF TO BOARDING SCHOOL AT 8 YEARS OLD, I DIDN'T COME HOME FOR 3 YEARS I SPENT EVERY SUMMER EVERY CHRISTMASS ALONE. I HAD EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE ONE THING THAT I WANTED, A FAMILY THAT LOVED ME. TURNS OUT I DID HAVE THAT BUT YOU KEPT IT FROM ME BECAUSE YOU HATE ME. YOU HATE ME AND YOU HAVE MADE SURE THAT I KNEW THAT. WELL I HATE YOU TO BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I HATE MY MOTHER, I HATE HER MORE THAN EVERYTHING BECAUSE SHE LEFT ME ALONE WITH YOU! SHE CHOSE HERSELF OVER ME, SHE LEFT ME WITH THE SICKEST MOST EVIL SADISTIC MONSTER . THE MONSTER WHO RUINED MY LIFE TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL BETER. I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT , I HOPE YOUR HAPPY I HOPE THAT RUINING MY LIFE WAS WORTH IT.

XXXX

Uh Oh … Guess Family Time Is Over.


	19. Chapter 19

Okay hey guys thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, so if the last chapter was sad/Intense, this one blows it out of the water. So anyhow I just want to warn y'all there is a little self-harm in this chapter which I apologize for but in the end I think it is necessary. So on a lighter note I was asked if these chapters could be longer. Now the thing is I'm just so busy during the week that I only have time for short ones like these. So I just assumed people would prefer more frequent updates of shorter chapters as apposed to less frequent updates of longer chapters. So please comment what you would rather so I can know what to do going forward. Anyway hope you can enjoy this chapter and just to note the beginning of the chapter takes place in the past.

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 _5 years ago:_

 _Jerry sat on the window seat staring out at the falling snow. He had never known snow until he got here. Of course he had known what it was but he had never seen it in real life. As he traced his finger along the cold window pane he let out a sigh. It was Christmas and he was alone again. Unlike all the kids that went home for the holidays Jerry stayed here at a special school program for kids whose parents didn't care about them enough to have them home for the holidays. There were only 7 kids in the program and Jerry was by far the youngest. He had stayed at school for the holidays every year since he arrived at boarding school but this year it was different. Ever since that trip to California where he heard Fitz say that he reminded him of the pain in his life, everything changed. He had realized that his father didn't love him and that he was completely alone. He thought about this as he stared out the window of the abandoned quad filling up with snow. Soon he began to feel even crappier then before. Before he even knew what he was doing he had pulled out of his pocket the bright green lighter. He had found this lighter in his dorm room when he moved in. Since he had started upper school this year he had been moved into the old seniors rooms. The school had done a surface cleaning of all the rooms over the summer but hadn't cleaned hard enough to find all the things the seniors left behind. Lots of kids reported finding bra's, condoms and drugs. Jerry had found some vodka and cigarettes along with this neon green lighter. He had thrown out the booze and cigarettes but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to throw out the lighter. There was something about the flickering flame that intrigued him. Soon h moved the flame closer and closer to his arm as he felt the pain slowly getting sharper and sharper. Suddenly the door opened and Henry entered. Jerry quickly tried to hide the lighter but it was too late._

" _What the hell are you doing?" he questioned running over to Jerry_

" _I could ask you the same thing, you said you would be home till Friday" Jerry said quickly trying to change the conversation_

" _Yeah well my brother got high and jumped into the Atlantic Ocean so my parents shipped me back here while he's in the hospital for hypothermia"_

" _Wow man I'm sorry" Jerry said praying that Henry had forgotten about the lighter_

" _It doesn't matter, what matters is that you had a lighter to your wrist"_

" _I was just looking at it" he shot back defensively_

" _Looking at it … an inch from your hand! Don't lie why were you holding the lighter"_

" _I… I was trying to burn myself" he admitted_

" _Why … why would you do that" Henry asked_

" _It doesn't matter" Jerry said_

" _Yes it does …. It matters to me"_

" _Why? Why does it matter to you" he shot back_

" _Because you're my friend! Because I care about you because you are someone who is actually more broken than I am and I want to help you so please just tell me the truth." Henry begged "Why did you burn yourself?"_

" _Because … Because if I'm not hurting myself I'm hurting everyone around me and there's nothing I can do about it …." Jerry admitted as he began to sob, never before had he cried before another person but it was different with Henry_

" _You're not hurting anyone"_

" _Yes I am …. I'm hurting everyone … I killed my mother and I can't do anything to bring her back" he sobbed uncontrollably as Henry just sat their comforting him all night. After that everything changed, Jerry finally began to open up. He would tell Henry about all he pain and the guilt he felt over his mother's death. Henry would tell him about his brother's addiction and his parents' marriage. There were no judgments with the two of them, there were no secrets, no hidden thoughts of feelings. Together they helped each other rebuild their lives. Henry was the person who got Jerry into lacrosse and was the person who was okay getting put on the bench in order to let Jerry play. He was the person who would pick Jerry up whenever he fell down. They were such good friends they were more like brothers. They were closer to each other than anyone else in the world._

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Present Day:

Jerry didn't say a word on the flight back. He was angry m no he was beyond angry. Angry at Fitz angry at his mother and Angry at himself for letting his father's injury cloud his judgment about him. He would never change, he would always be that sick evil monster who shipped him off to boarding school at 8 years old. As plane hit the tarmac Jerry stared out at New Hampshire, he had once said that boarding school was his home but the truth was that he didn't have a home. Soon they were back at the school. Everyone was staring at him, everyone wanted to know how his dad was but he didn't want to talk, he was so sick of talking. Suddenly he heard Henry calling his name as he ran up behind him.

"Jerry … Jerry …. Hey man what's…" Henry said as he stopped talking once he saw the hurt on Jerrys face. "Jerry what's going on" he asked

"Nothing!" Jerry snapped as he began to walk faster away.

"Hey man well clearly it's something I mean you look like Christmas 2011"

"Don't you ever bring that up again?" Jerry snapped getting angrier by the second

"I'm trying to help you"

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" he barked as he forcefully pushed Henry away from him into a snow bank as he began to walk away faster crossing one of the streets on campus while Henry ran to catch up. As he was running across the street there was the sound of a thud and broken glass before screams filled the air. Jerry quickly whipped around to see an unconscious bloody Henry lying on the smashed windshield of a car. After that it was lie Jerry was having an out of body experience. Everything became a blur of blood and sirens and his agents screaming at him. As they EMT's were loading Henry into the ambulance Jerry jumped in before they speed off. He had just ditched his detail but he didn't give a shit, he was still so out of it until the sound shocked him back to life. It was the sound of the defibulator trying to shock his heart. He watched in horror as his best friend violently shook as he bled out on the stretcher. Within minutes they were at the hospital where Henry was rushed into surgery while Jerry was forced to stay in the waiting room. Soon his agents found him and began to scold him before he told them to "Shut the fuck up". He didn't care if he was being rude, Henry was dying in that room and there was nothing he could do. After a few minutes the doctor came in and told Jerry that Henry was dead…. His brain had swelled too much and now he was dead. Jerry didn't know what to feel, he just wanted to get out of this hospital. He just wanted to go back he just wanted this all to be over. H didn't know what he wanted, all he knew was that he need to go home. He didn't have a home all he had was a place full of pain of lies. He could feel everyone watching him, which he hated, he never showed his emissions to anybody but Henry. He couldn't even process what was happening so he just forced his agents to take him back to school. He had to get out of this hospital he had to get back to school, he felt sick he just had to get out of there. He wanted to feel sad but all he felt was numb.

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3 hours later:

He was drunk to say the least, he had already consumed more alcohol in the past two hours then he had the entire last month. As he drained the last drop from the bottle he got up of the bed to try to find some more. As he stood up the room began to spin, not because of the alcohol but because he was covered in his friends blood, because his friend was dead because he was standing a room full of his dead friends stuff. He stumbled into the bathroom his legs feeling as numb as his heart. As he got down on his knees digging under the sink in search of more alcohol to numb the pain. As he continued searching he suddenly saw it, the little green lighter hidden under the sink. He quickly grabbed it with his shaky hand and flicked it on surprised that it worked after all these years. Without even flinching he brought it closer to his wrist, closer than it had ever been before. As it got close he began to feel the sharp intense pain filling his body. Soon the flame was against his skin. He knew if Henry were here he would have put a stop m to this, but henry wasn't here. He was dead. His best and only real friend was dead and there was nothing he could do to bring him back. As the flame burned his skin he could tell it would leave a mark but it didn't matter, Henry was dead and now nothing mattered.


	20. Chapter 20

Hey guys, so luckily it's the start of the quarter so I don't have a lot of homework so I enough time to update this story again. So since I posted twice yesterday I'm not sure if everyone saw chapter 19 so you should check that out before you read this one. Now this one is pretty shot but I just wanted to get something up tonight. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, hope you enjoy this chapter

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3 months later:

He sat at his desk running his hand through his thick curly hair as he tried to comprehend the new education bill. As he continued to run his hand through his hair his fingers suddenly skimmed over the bump. That tiny bump which was barely a centimeter was the only reminder of that fateful night. It had been nearly 4 months since the shooting and his progress had been remarkable. His stiches had healed, his hair come back and more importantly his memory had too. After months of therapy his memories had trickled back slowly but surely until now he could remember almost everything. Even after his memories came back it was still a long road of physical therapy. It had taken months but finally he was cleared last week to go back to work. He had immediately dived right back in, trying to make up for all the lost time. Cyrus had insisted that they use his post shooting political capital to push their education reform bill which was set to breeze through the senate. At first he had been reluctant to try to profit of the incident, but after Cyrus reminded all the children he would help he readily fell in line. Fitz had also gotten back into the family mode trying to make up the lost time with the kids. We'll all the kids but Jerry. He didn't know what to do or how to feel about Jerry. To tell the truth he was just trying to focus on work and forget how fucked up that part of his life was. As he tried to push it out of his head and turn his attention back to the bill he heard a knock at the door. He assumed that the nanny was here with one of the kids but instead he was confused when he saw Tom his secret service agent standing in the doorway of the oval

"Um sir I need to speak to you for a moment" he said, his tone clearly showing that it was serious

"Tom…. is everything okay?" Fitz asked, his mind racing with all the possible things that could have happened

"Um well sir I just got a report from Jerry's agent that they found illegal narcotics in his dorm room

"Illegal narcotics? What kind of illegal narcotics?" Fitz asked

"Um alcohol, cigarettes, Marijuana , cocaine and ecstasy" Tom said as Fitz mouth dropped open

"No … this has to be some mistake"

"I don't think so sir, apparently he'd been visibly drunk before, and his agents had caught him sneaking into his dorm window in the middle of the night reeking of cigarettes"

"What …. How long has this been going on!?" Fitz snapped

"Where not sure sir, we only became sure once we searched his room" Tom admitted

"His detail is supposed to know everything! Your excused Tom, I have to go deal with this epic disaster you all created" Fitz huffed as he stormed out of the room.

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2 days later:

The pain shot up his leg as he limped across the quad. It was his own dam fault, he knew that. He was the one who had climbed out the window, he was the one who landed the wrong way on his ankle. He wasn't' the one though who had stolen his pot. If he had that the pain would be long gone, that was what it was used for in hospitals anyway, for pain relief. He knew his agents had taken it. He lived alone now and nobody had a way to get into his room except for his agents. He couldn't believe them, it was his body , his choices not theirs. He couldn't wait until next year, when he turned 18 and got to shed his shitty detail and cash in his trust fund before telling Fitz to go fuck himself. He really didn't give a shit about what happened after he graduated except for the fact he would have enough money to just move somewhere else and fuck up the rest of his life in peace. As he thought about a life of being alone on some beach getting high all day he felt the deep need for a joint or maybe something stronger. He knew he couldn't have it though, he would have to wait a few days until his agents cooled down. He knew they would never tell anyone because they wanted to keep their jobs. He would just wait a few more days before making another buy. Drugs were about as common as money in this place which meant that everyone had more than they could handle. Whoever though outing a bunch of messed up rich teenagers in an isolated town in rural New Hampshire with nobody watching them was a fucking idiot. It said in the new student's brochure that 50% of the students went to Ivy's , but if that was true then 50% also ended up in therapy at 45 after a couple of divorces under their belt. It was funny ho everyone had so much money yet their lives were still so fucked up.

Jerry had always tried to find the bright side of things but lately he had just given up trying. They had won nationals but he didn't care, he didn't care about anything anymore, not school, not health and especially not Hailey. He had started cheating and hadn't stopped, he hadn't even cared when she found out. Once he was free for her he could truly rival Jaz as the schools biggest player. They had become so intense trying to prove who was even more of a stud that they had a contest to see who could bed more girls by the end of the semester. He was winning by far, every girl wanted to sleep with the president's son, sometimes even multiple girls at a time. He smirked when he thought of this. He couldn't believe he had spent so much time tied down with one girl when there was an entire school full of bangable girls. As he continued to limp across the quad his head began to spin as his fingers felt fidgety. Was he already going through withdrawal? It probably was considering how he felt like shit. He needed something to fix this and quickly, he was about to head back to his room where he had some hand sanitizer he could get drunk on. As he began to turn him felt will grab his arm. Jerry was confused for a second until he saw the 6 huge sedans with us government plates.

"Hell no" he said as he realized was going on. Soon he began to bolt away shoving his agents in an attempted escape. He began to run away not getting very far before his agents started to grab him. At that moment something snapped and nothing mattered. He immediately began to fight back, kicking and screaming and scratching at everything that moved. He could tell that he was getting somewhere by how his agents reacted, they clearly hadn't expected this. He was like a wild animal but he didn't care. As he continued to height he felt someone shove him into the dirt. As he fell he hit his nose and his lip. His mouth tasted like blood as his shirt was stained by the constant flow from his nose. He quickly got up and continued fighting and punching until he felt two agents gabbed his arms as he tried to get way. He suddenly felt the cold metal handcuffs on his arms. The second they let go he began o run not caring if he got beat up , he would rather be lying in the dirt handcuffed and covered in blood then be anywhere near his father.


	21. Chapter 21

Hey guys, so here's another really quick update, sorry I didn't have time for more. Anyway, this chapter is just building up towards something big which is happening soon. Anyway hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review.

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As he tried to run he fell again his face taking the brunt if the fall this time. He could fell the dirt against his face as even more blood poured out of his nose. His hands were cuffed so he couldn't stop the bleeding. As he tried to stumble to his feet everything began to spin. He still tried to fight back but his attempts were in vain as two agents grabbed his arms and dragged him towards the cars. He still out up a fight digging his feet into the dirt but after a while his agents finally over powered him. They dragged him towards the cars with him still fighting back slightly. Soon we was shoved into the back of a sedan. He didn't know where they were taking him but he didn't care. He thought maybe they were taking him back to the Whitehouse for one of Olivia's "Let's pretend were a family and that we don't hate each other sessions". Then again they couldn't drag a bloodied teenager across the Whitehouse lawn so he probably wasn't going there. Soon they sped away from boarding school. Jerry rested his head on the window sill as the blood continued to flow. The hand cuffs were two tight as they sliced into his wrists. He glanced out the window to see they were headed towards the airport. He could see them drive onto the tarmac and pull up next to a plane. He really wasn't paying attention to what kind of plane though, he was just too busy zoned out in his numb little world. The second they pulled up the door was whipped open by some agents who roughly grabbed his arms and ripped him from the car. He tried to stand his ground and not move before the agents pulled harder than ever causing a shooting pain to fill his arms. Soon he was being dragged up the steep stairs towards the door where a guy in a navy uniform was standing guard. As soon as Jerry was pulled forcefully into the cabin he felt all the fight rush back into his body as he came face to face with Fitz.

The second Fitz looked up he was shocked to see what he saw. It wasn't the Jerry he knew yet instead it was a disheveled teenager caked in dirt and dripping blood. You couldn't even see Jerry's arms which were cuffed behind his back.

"What the hell happened to you?" Fitz asked suddenly becoming extremely concerned about why Jerry was covered in blood.

"Let's just say I finally put my agents training to good use" he said sarcastically

"You attacked your agents?" Fitz shot back in disbelief

"Come on, they enjoyed it, I mean when they look this job they probably thought they would be defending their country yet instead their bunch of glorified baby sitters / drug police. That's why you're here right? Because of the oxy?"

"You're taking painkillers?" Fitz asked in disbelief

"What I am and am not doing is none of your business. It's my life, my body my choices. Okay I don't need your goons watching me and monitoring me, I am an adult and I can take care of myself. I need you micro managing my life."

"An adult!? An adult doesn't climb out a window to get high, an adult doesn't get involved in drugs just to spite his father … you are not an adult, you're a child who needs to be around people who love you."

"People who love me …? You can't be serious … I don't have anyone who loves me. Nobody in this world loves anyone people just pretend and then they use people and then then you throw them away. I would say you taught me that but you skipped the beginning. You never pretended which I guess in the long run was a good thing because it made me realize that love is not real. I learned that it's just some fucked up little lie that people pretend to believe in order to sleep at night."

"Wow that's dark"

"What do you expect from me sunshine and daises … huh? Okay you know what let's just cut to the Chace because being in your presence makes me physically ill so why am I here? Is this some reminder that I need to stay out of the public eye when I participate in my illegal activities or is this some photoshoot huh … what do I need to pretend for today?" he snapped

"I'm here because I got word that my 17 year old son had a room full of cocaine and ecstasy. Something I immediately discredited as lies or stuff from your roommate but now I'm not so sure."

"Really … you didn't think I had it in me? Well here's a news flash YOU DON'T KNOW ME…."

"I know …. That's why I'm having you come home"

"Boarding school is my home" he snapped

"No it's not, the Whitehouse is your home and that's why your moving back their"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh you didn't know you're transferring to school in DC so you can live at the Whitehouse"

"Very funny" Jerry snapped

"Am I laughing?"

"Your no serious' Jerry said in utter disbelief

"Oh but I am, because clearly your blatant disregard for your personal health and safety shows that you are not ready to live alone."

"Not ready to live alone …. NOT READY TO LIVE ALONE BE YOU FUCKING KIDDIDNG ME! IVE LIVED ALONE SINCE I WAS 8 FUCKING YEARS OLD"

"I know and clearly that separation from your family was too much for you to handle." Fitz shot back

"MY FAMILY …. WE ARE NOT A FAMILY, YOUR BITCH WIFE IS NOT MY MOTHER AND YOU ARE MOST DEFINETLY NOT MY FATHER"

"Don't you dare ever call Olivia that again"

"Or what huh you'll rip me from the only home I've ever known to go live in a prison full of sick sadistic monsters who have made it their life mission to ruin mine … well you've already done that so there's nothing you could do to me that will make me stop calling her a bitch okay…. You've already ruined my life for 17 years and now you're feeling guilty and trying to fix it but you know what … too little too late . Nothing you could ever do would ever change the fact that I loathe you with every fiber of my being.


	22. Chapter 22

Hey guys thanks for the reviews. So this chapter is pretty long which I'm happy about. It actually came out to exactly 2015 words which was a big funny. So um anyway just pay attention to the room he's in at the end. It ties to a room in the show. Anyway hope you enjoy and don't forget to review.

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2 days later:

It had been two days since the meeting on the plane and it had become clear that Fitz wasn't joking. He had already arranged for Jerry to transfer to a D.C. private school. No amount of begging and fighting by Jerry could have stopped it. Fitz said that he was coming home come Hell or High water. Jerry couldn't believe it, by tomorrow he would be gone, and first he would head to California for a family bonding session. Just the thought of that made him throw up in his mouth. He couldn't believe that Fitz was ripping him from the only home he had ever known. All he wished was that that stupid bullet had killed him on the spot so that he couldn't be alive to ruin everyone else's life. Jerry couldn't believe after 9 years he would be gone. He wanted to kill Fitz he was so angry. No matter how much Counseling Fitz would get them it wouldn't change the fact that he hated him more than he thought was humanly possible. As Jerry shuffled around his room packing up his stuff he made sure to not go onto Henry's side. After the funeral Henry's parents had had movers pack up his stuff. They had offered for Jerry to take as much as he wanted but he only took a few things of value. His favorite stuffed animal, a photo of the two of them and most importantly his jersey. He only took the things that mattered to Henry, but none of that could make up for the fact that Henry was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. He refused to think about it, he never thought about Henry that was just another chapter of his life that he would never read again. Before he could do anything the door opened and his other friend Logan entered the room and sat on Henry's bed causing Jerry to cringe, nobody was supposed to touch Henry's stuff.

"Get off of Henry's bed" he snapped

"Last I checked Henry's bed was a coffin 6 feet under in Westchester County" Logan shot back

"That may be, but it's still my room so get up before I get my agents outside to do it for you"

"The same agents who broke your face? Yeah I heard about your little beat down, I also heard that this won't be your room for much longer, rumor has it you're leaving"

"It doesn't matter Logan" he snapped

"Oh I'm sorry that not telling one of your oldest friends that you're leaving is not something you find a bit odd. Then again I could never compete with Henry even post mortem"

"Say anything about him again… and I'll kill you" Jerry warned through gritted teeth

"Wow I'd heard you're messed up but I never expected this" Logan snapped back

"Do you have something to say Logan? Or are you just here to make observations about my life?"

"Well I'm just here to see if the rumors true, if Jerry Grant is really leaving Dayston"

"Yeah well you can spread the news, I'm gone tomorrow"

"Wait your actually leaving?"

"Yeah, my father has decided to punish me by forcing me to move to the Whitehouse"

"Seriously, wow the unholy trinity is gone"

"The what?" Jerry asked

"You, me, and Henry, remember we used to call ourselves the unholy trinity, starting together, ending together. Guess it didn't work out that way considering, I'm staying, you're leaving, and he's dead, the trinity is gone"

"Yeah well whatever, I need to pack now" Jerry said not meeting Logan's eyes

"Wait your still leaving?" Logan asked

"Yeah I already told you, I don't have a choice"

"Come on man you can't be serious, you gotta stay, _we_ need you"

"We? Wait a second do you mean the team … did coach send you? " Jerry asked

"No I mean yes that's part of it but …"

"But nothing ….. Okay, you don't care about me, you just care about my lacrosse skills, that's all any of you care about so you can all just go to hell"

XXXX

1 day later:

As Will informed Jerry that it was time to go, Jerry got up off the bed and looked around the empty room. He thought about the next group of boys who would get this room. The memories hey would have in this room. Nothing they could do though would ever compare to everything he and Henry did. Everywhere he looked he saw places that were full of memories. He felt sick, he was leaving and he was never coming back. He would never come back here. This whole chapter of his life was over, maybe it was a good. Everyone hated him, the only person who really cared was dead and he felt like a part of him was dead too.

XXXX

2 hours later:

The plane speed down the runway Jerry looked out the window at the snowy New Hampshire Mountains. As he glanced back he could see the peak of the old church. He could see the tiny town that he had called home for the past 9 years disappearing in seconds. As he felt the wheels leave the tarmac he felt like crying but of course he didn't, he never cried, he never showed emotion. He remembered when he first came to boarding school all he wanted to do was go back to home but now he didn't want to leave. It was crazy how much things changed over those years. He had met Henry and a ton of other great friends. He had found other people who had been just as lonely and broken as he was. He had joined lacrosse, he had made millions of memories he had had some of the best days of his life. He had also had the worst days of his life, he had lost Henry, he had started self-harming and doing drugs. He had learned that his father really hated him. As he glanced back out the window he could no longer see the ground. He knew he should be sad and home sick but then again ever Henry died boarding school just haden't felt like home. Nothing felt like home, he didn't have a home. He hated boarding school, he hated the Whitehouse, he hated everything. He couldn't believe it, he would never walk the halls, he would never play lacrosse their ever again. He would be going to some new school halfway through junior year. He felt sick he couldn't believe he was going to have to live in that prison of the Whitehouse. He couldn't believe how fucked up his life was. He didn't want to think about it for it would just depress the hell out of him.

XXXX

5 hours later:

As the plane hit the tarmac Jerry slammed his head into the window. Fuck he muttered under his breath as the sunshine streamed in through the window. That was just another thing he hated about California was the stupid sun. He actually hated everything about California. It was just some fucked up place full of pain and death but then again anywhere he'd ever went was filled with pain and death. After minutes of staying in his seat in passive protest Will grabbed his tazer and threatened to tazed Jerry if he didn't listen. Jerry continued to sit there not caring if he got tazed, he didn't care about anything. Unfortunately Will didn't taze him, instead he and 3 agents forced him out holding his hands behind his wrist just like a criminal. Jerry wondered if he committed a crime would he get in trouble. He knew he wouldn't, if you were rich and powerful you never had to own up for anything. This sucked though because there were very few other things that would spite Fitz more than him going to prison. As jerry was dragged from the plane he was taken to the car where they drove to the family's Santa Barbra ranch. Once they pulled up Will opened the door.

"Your family's not here yet" he informed

"Don't you ever call those people my family … I don't have a family. Oh and you know I would say I was sorry for hitting you the other day but you know what they say snitches get stiches so you got what you deserved." Jerry snapped as he walked away, hell bent on making sure his agents payed for snitching on him. As he headed inside he headed to a random room far away from everyone else. Fitz might be able to keep him hostage but he couldn't stop him from being the coldest most disrespectful piece of shit in the world.

XXXX

After about ten minutes in his room he got bored. He was feeling extremely jumpy, and his hands were shaking and he just couldn't sit still. Wheat he really needed right now was a joint to calm down or maybe some Aderol to help him focus. Unfortunately his agents ha prepared for his arrival by hiding all the drugs. There wasn't even a single Advil in the entire house. As he could no longer stand just lying on his bed he got up to try to cure the jumpiness. As he walked down the hallway she began to remember bits and pieces of his house. He had come here sometimes when he was little to visit his grandfather who was a mean old man who always yelled at him. His grandfather had died a while ago. He knew that his grandfather and Fitz hated each other, which was one thing they had in common. Even so, Fitz had inherited the house since he was an only child. Jerry wondered who would get the house when Fitz died. He already knew it wouldn't be him, he probably wasn't even getting his trust fund any more considering how he was acting. He really didn't give a shit though, money didn't matter, money couldn't save them. As he sulked down the hallway he headed downstairs to just do something. , old him would have used this time to work out, but he stopped doing that, it didn't matter how healthy you were, you would still die anyway. As he was walking he saw an unfamiliar door that he didn't remember. As he pushed open the door he could see it was an office. It was huge and covered in dark brown mahogany wherever you looked. On the far side of the wall were huge windows that were framed by red curtains. There was a huge a huge fireplace and a distinct smell of cigar smoke. For a second Jerry began to feel hope that there was something in this house he could smoke. He knew though that the agents under order from the devil had combed over every inch of this place. As he was about to turn and leave something caught his eye. He noticed that one of the room's antique leather sofas was pretty far out from the wall unlike the other ones. Upon further investigation he understood why. As he pulled away the sofa he uncovered a large silver safe built into the wall. His interest quickly peaked, he knew that it was probably just papers and things but maybe there were some family heirlooms that he could pawn when Fitz cut him off. He was about to try to crack the code when he realized that whoever had used it last hadn't fully closed in so just like that it opened. As Jerry swung open the huge metal door he couldn't believe what he saw. He couldn't believe his luck as he pulled out a fully loaded revolver.


	23. Chapter 23

Hey guys so here's the next chapter. I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long I've just been so busy with school. I also really wanted to take my time to really hash out the emotions of this chapter. So I don't know when I will have time to update again because I need to think about this story because I don't know where to go from here so I need to think. So I got a lot of questions about chapter 23, so somehow the sight posted the last chapter twice so it said that chapter 23 was posted when it wasn't. So anyway here it is. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to review and also check out my other story locked away. Hope you enjoy.

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Jerry stared at the gun for a second, running his finger over the wood detail. It was a nice gun, a high quality revolver. He didn't know too much about guns, but he had gone hunting a few times with Henrys dad at his country home. He suddenly glanced around the room to make sure nobody was watching as he unloaded the gun and slipped in under his shirt. He quickly closed the safe and moved the sofa back. He let out a sigh he didn't know he had been holding. He quickly exited the room hoping that his agents didn't notice it. If he was caught with a gun he was in huge trouble. He quickly headed back upstairs to his room where he slammed the door, and headed into the adjoining bathroom. He had a feeling they had bugged the bedroom but hopefully not the bathroom. He walked into the massive bathroom where he hid the gun in the empty trash can before covering it in a bunch of tissues. He quickly felt a rush of adrenaline fill his body. He felt his hands began to shake as he thought about what he was going to do. Suddenly he was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the downstairs door opening. He knew that Fitz was here. He had to act quickly, or else the gun would be found. For a split second he felt reluctant, once this was over he would be dead. Then again he remembered he had nothing to live for.

XXXX

Fitz pushed open the door to his family home. He haden't been here in ages, ever since entering the white house he was just too busy to come home. He never really liked California anyway, too many bad memories. He had decided to take the family out here to bond with Jerry before they all headed back to D.C. Part of him knew it was wrong to rip Jerry away from boarding school but he really wanted to feel in control of the situation , and he couldn't feel that way with Jerry so far away. Speaking of Jerry, Where was he? Fitz had specifically arrived here a day earlier then Liv and the kids so that he could have some alone time with Jerry which would hopefully turn out better than their last blood smeared conversation. As he walked farther into the foyer he asked the agents where Jerry was. He was pointed upstairs to one of the dozens of bedrooms. He headed up before knocking on the door but found no response. After a minute he pushed the door open and headed into the dark room. He called his name but it became clear Jerry wasn't in the room. He was about to leave when he saw out of the corner of his eye the slight movement of the curtains. As he got closer he saw they were moving due to the air coming from a tiny slit in between the French doors out to the balcony. As he looked through the door he saw Jerry sanding on the edge of the balcony. Fitz quickly pushed open the door causing Jerry to jump slightly before turning around and exposing the gun he was holding to his head. For a second Fitz felt her cold skin in his hands as he saw the blueness of her skin. He was suddenly snapped out of his Déjà vu by Jerrys voice

"Wow look what we have here… a witness to my demise" Jerry said with a smirk

"Jerry …. What … what are you doing?" Fitz asked still shocked at what was going on

"What am I doing? Oh nothing much just blowing the back of my skull out"

"You're …. You're going to kill yourself?" He asked not believing this was happening

"No of course not …. I just like holding a fully loaded gun to my head for fun" he snapped

"Jerry you're not thinking"

"I have been thinking, I have been thinking about this for years and the only reason why I didn't is because of Henry but he's dead too" Jerry snapped

"Who's Henry?"

"Oh my god …. You're too much …. I mean at least Olivia pretends to care but you … you never cared about me, I was always just an unwanted burden"

"You were never a burden"

"Yes I was … I mean your practically told me that when you said I wasn't a part of this family when you said that I was the thing that brought you the most pain and those were just the things you said to my face … what about all the other things you said behind my back"

"Okay listen Jerry I get it that a lot of stuff is going on with you so why don't we just put the gun down and talk about it" Fitz said trying to stay calm

"Talk …. You can't be fucking serious …. You had your chance, you had 17 years to talk but instead you ignored me and shunned me and made my life a living hell so no there's no more talking ...!" Jerry screamed as his hand began to shake

"Jerry I get it I screwed up"

"SCREWED UP? SCREWED UP? No screwing up is sending your kid to boarding school at age 8 okay that's a mistake that people can forgive but I can't forgive how much pain you have put me through in you're attempt to feel beter about everything you've done. You spent 17 years tormenting me making sure I knew that I killed her. You spent every day breaking down my soul crushing me with the pain of knowing how unwanted and unloved I was. YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

"Listen Jerry I get it you're angry …"

"I'M NOT ANGRY, I AM IN PAIN AND YOU BROUGHT ME HERE! THE PERSON WHO WAS SUPOSE TO LOVE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING" he screamed as tears rolled down his face and he tried to work up the courage to pull the trigger

"Listen Jerry I know you're in pain I know that you're so screwed up because of me but please don't cut your life short because of me"

"You know I would say you're fucking selfish for believing that I was doing this because of you bit the truth is I am doing this because of you. Form my whole life I thought that I was to blame for all the pain in my life, that I was to blame for her death but the truth is it was you , everything that went wrong in my life always traced back to you. You were the author of all my pain you were the reason that I am as broken as I am today. And I know I would kill you but since you seem to survive gunshots so well I'll just have to kill myself. You know you never knew for sure if you killed her so I'm going to be very clear that I am killing myself because of you. Because of everything horrible evil twisted things you've done in some sick sadistic attempt to feel beter about yourself at the expense of your child's life. That's why I'm going to kill myself so that you'll have to finally pay for all your sins" Jerry said as he steadied his hand. Suddenly he began to have some second thoughts but he quickly pushed them away as he let images of Henrys lifeless body being shocked back to life fill his brain. He looked up and met his father's eyes, he wanted him to look at him, he wanted him to see the light leave them as he left this fucked up world.

Fitz stared at his son, at the little boy who was long gone, replaced by a teenager covered in scars and ripped clothing ready to blow himself to bits and there was nothing he could do about it.

Suddenly he heard the shots as he was covered in the wet spray of blood.


	24. Chapter 24

Hey guys so this is just a weird little chapter, the most important part is at the end so please enjoy and review.

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He felt the gunshots rip through his body as he fell back off the balcony hitting his head on the ground as everything went black. It stayed that way for a while until he opened his eyes and slowly stood up confused at what was going on. He ran his fingers over his head to find no gunshot wounds, no blood and no pain. He was even more confused when he saw where he was, it wasn't the house in Santa Barbra, instead he was standing in the sand on some random beach. He slowly turned around trying to understand where he was until he saw it, Henry's beach house. It was a large home right on the Atlantic ocean in Southampton. Jerry had lived their almost every summer when Henry was alive. Although he had been there dozens of times, it was somehow different today. He couldn't put his finger on it but something was different, there was a whitish tint that gave it an eerie dream like feel. Suddenly he felt a raindrop hit his face as he looked at the sky to see how the hell it had gone from sunny to rainy in less than a minute. As he turned to the sky he felt like he was going to be sick as saw that it wasn't drops of rain that hit him but instead huge drops of thick red blood. After a second the drizzle stopped and it began to pour with blood droplets. After a second there was so much blood he couldn't see he couldn't breathe, all he could do was stubble around and try to find his way to a beach house. After a minute of walking in circles he tripped on something and felt himself hit the ground squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to withstand this freaky, crazy, scary blood storm. As if someone could read his thoughts the rain suddenly stopped. After a second he finally opened his eyes and was even more confused to see that he wasn't lying in the sand yet instead he was lying on the Dayston lacrosse turf. As he pulled his head up he noticed that there wasn't a drop of blood anywhere on his body. Suddenly he heard a familiar sound, it was his coach yelling at him to run. He was confused for a second until he saw the lacrosse stick and ball in his hand.

"RUN GRANT RUN" people screamed

"We didn't pretend to be friends with you all these years just to lose the game" Logan sneered and he and other people bean to scream hundreds of hateful things, calling him a loser, an idiot and a murderer. Even with all the screaming Jerry was on autopilot just trying get to the goal that seemed to be farther away with every step. Finally he made it and threw it in, scoring a goal. As he turned around to see if any of his teammates where watching he suddenly again switched places again, he now found himself in a dense forest. He suddenly heard a voice that he haden't heard in years. It was Henry, but not like teenage Henry, child Henry.

"Jerry come on lets go" he heard the voice say as he whipped around to see circa 5th grade Henry standing in the woods looking at him for a second before running away into the forest

"You can't catch me" he squealed as he disappeared farther and farther into the woods. Jerry quickly sprinted after him, struggling to keep up as the path was covered in rocks and branches and loose soil. As he was running he knocked into a branch causing the copper taste of blood to fill his mouth. For a second he thought back to the horror on the blood beach. After a second he realized though that he had almost completely lost Henry. He quickly got back up and continued to sprint down the path not caring about cuts and bruises on his legs. Soon he had almost completely caught up to Henry who was still running. Soon they reached an open meadow that led off to a cliff. Henry quickly ran to the edge to pear over at the depths below. Jerry being the responsible adult quickly ran over to stop the little boy from getting hurt. As he got closer huge crack appeared out of nowhere separating the two of them. Suddenly the ground under Henry began to crumble away as a look of fear of panic filled the little boy's face. Within a number of second the ground had fallen away. He would have fallen if not for Jerry holding on to one of the little boy's wrists for dear life.

"Jerry please don't leave me!" The little boy begged

"I'm not leaving you!" he screamed as more of the ground began to fall off, and a huge chuck of earth hit his wrist almost certainly breaking it. He shut his eyes for a second as he tried to deal with the immense pain in his wrist. The second he opened his eye's he saw that Henry had grown up for the little boy to the full blown teenager.

"Please don't let go" He begged

"I'm not letting go" he reassured. A second later though it was like someone else was controlling him because no matter how hard he fought back, he still let go. The second he let go he saw Henry fall backwards off the cliff. As he fell farther and faster jerry heard him scream "JERRY PLEASE HELP ME" Jerry tried to save him but he was just out of reach. "HENRY COME BACK … PLEASE COME BACK PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" Jerry screamed as Henry just fell farther and farther until he hit the rocks below. At the sight of his friend's lifeless body Jerry began to break down. As he continued to sob uncontrollably he moved off the quickly disintegrating ledge. Soon he was back near the edge of the forest when he saw his father step out from behind a tree.

"Stop your crying son, real Grant men don't cry" he barked

"I need to cry because if I don't cry then all the pain will just eat away at me … I can't believe I killed him" he muttered in disbelief as he wiped the tears from his face.

"Wow your finally admitting it, it's about time you stop playing the blame game"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Jerry hissed

"Oh you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about you blaming me for all the problems that **you** caused. I'm not the author of your pain … you are, all of your issues come from you. You killed your mother, you killed Henry, you bring pain to everyone's life including mine. She would still be alive if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be a widower if it wasn't for you. You weren't worth her life … her death was in vain because all I got was you and you are the biggest disappointment in the world. I can't believe someone as amazing as her gave birth to someone as awful as you. You are to blame for all the pain in everybody's life and now you're going to pay." Fitz hissed as he disappeared but only after dropping a lit match on the ground. In a matter of seconds the fire had surrounded Jerry on all sides. He was so tired, he was so tired of fighting and running, he just wanted this all to be over. He was about to just give in when he heard Henry calling his name. He quickly ran after the voice and straight into to the fire. He felt the searing pain of the fire on his skin as he saw the outline of Henry's body. He quickly reached out and grabbed Henrys hand but after holding it for a second henry pulled away and disappeared farther into the fire. "HENRY COME BACK" he shrieked as he suddenly shot up out bed screaming bloody murder.

XXXX

Oh snap … is this some almost dead dream or did he really wake up?


	25. Chapter 25

Hey guy so I'm not sure if everyone saw the last chapter because for some reason the sight was being buggy again so if you didn't see it please check it out. Anyway, this chapter is really short, I'm sorry I just didn't know what to write. So here it is, please don't forget to review so I know if I'm doing a good job.

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He shot up out of the bed screaming and thrashing around trying to find Henry in the fire. He could barely move though due to something restraining him. As he continued to fight he felt pain in his wrists. He looked around. There was no longer a raging fire but instead he had again changed places. Now he was in a stark white hospital room lying on a bed with tubes in his arm and a sharp pain in his abdomen. He was also shackled to the bed by his feet and arms. As he looked around he realized that this no longer felt like a dream. This felt like real life. As he glanced around he noticed he was in a soft vest and the walls were covered in soft padding. He literally had no fucking clue where he was. Suddenly he heard the sound of a door opening as he tried to turnaround to see who it was. It was nearly imposable though considering the handcuffs. As he continued to try he felt an even more intense pain in his abdomen area. Finally after a few seconds of footsteps a young blond woman in a doctor's coat walked up behind him.

"That must have been some dream you were having." She stated not even introducing herself

"What?" he asked confused if any of this was real

"You were dreaming right? I mean that was why you were thrashing around in your sleep." She asked

"Wait a second I was sleeping?" He asked still so confused at what was going on

"Well you were in a coma but we pulled you out of that so you were kind of in a sleep/ coma state" she explained

"Wait a second so you're saying this is real? I'm … not dead?" he asked as he filled with anger and confusion

"No you're not dead, you were shot but you didn't die" she explained

"That's not possible …. I was holding the gun at point blank range, it would kill me instantly"

"You didn't shoot yourself, one of your agents saw you and shot you in the liver" she explained

"Oh my god … why the fuck was I so stupid" he mumbled as he hung his head not able to do much considering he was shackled to the bed. He couldn't believe it he had so many opportunities to kill himself but he had wanted Fitz to be there to see him die and now his plan had backfired. He was clearly not going to have any other opportunity in the near future. He couldn't believe that this was happening, he couldn't believe he had to spend another day in this fucked up world.

"Listen we can talk about this later but right now you need to rest. You got a nasty concussion from the fall so your body needs some rest." She explained and as she got up to leave. After a second though she turned around to face him.

"I noticed you have a lot of scars on your body … what are they from?" she asked.

He debated for a second if he should tell her but he figured there was no harm in her knowing the truth.

"There burn scars" he admitted

"You burned yourself? Why?"

"I'm practicing for hell"

XXXX

It was 10 minutes later and Kate was headed to talk to the president. She knew he would want an update on his son's condition and a report about where they would go from here. She felt a bit defeated since Jerry had realized that she was trying to trick him into a psychoanalysis and had immediately clamed up refusing to utter another word to her until she finally left. She knew she would try again tomorrow but first she had to talk to the president. She soon entered the room where the president was waiting.

"Mr. President a word please?" She asked

"Doctor … How is he?" Fitz asked

"Well he came out of his coma well. As you know we were able to remove the bullets from his liver. He was very lucky to be hit there because the liver can regrow quite rapidly. Now his concussion on the other hand is quite serious but not life threatening. So as you can see, overall his prognosis is good. " The doctor said as Fitz breathed a huge sigh of relief

"That's … that's amazing … So um when can I take him home?" Fitz asked

"Oh Mr. President, I'm sorry If I wasn't clear, his physical prognosis is good but his mental one is definitely not , your son has a lot of pain and a lot of hurt."

"No he doesn't, he just got a little overwhelmed. He had to grow up too fast and he just needs some love and family and people who care" Fitz said

"Mr. President your son tried to kill himself. He was ready to leave the world and I don't think this is the first time. His arms are covered in cuts and burn scars. He clearly has been hurting himself for a long time and if he doesn't get help he will only try to kill himself again" she warned.

"No he … I … does he really have burn scars?" Fitz asked and disbelief

"Yeah … and lots of them … to tell you the truth I'm surprised he's even made it this long" she admitted

"Wow ... so it's really that bad"

"It's really that bad."


	26. Chapter 26

Hey guys so again I had trouble with the updating so if you didn't catch the last chapter you should read it. Anyway, this is a chapter that I was excited about writing and I feel that it is instrumental to the story. Please don't go on a Melitz should die tirade because this chapter does contain Melitz but it's because I really want to show how everybody has pain so I included some Melitz so please just keep on open mind and don't kill me. Anyway hope you enjoy and just to note everything in italics is a flashback.

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Fitz sat at the window of air force one staring out at the cloudy grey sky. He had left the bunker where Jerry was staying. He just couldn't be there right now, he felt like he was suffocating as he watched Jerry hallucinating due to the anti-depressants they had given him. . He knew that he should be there for him but it was very clear that he was the last possible person that Jerry wanted to see. He had considered going back to the Whitehouse but he couldn't' stand being their either. Not only were there thousands of foreign issues for him to deal with, but ever since the shooting Olivia was being extra clingy. She was even crazier now considering that she was trying to get pregnant again. Oh course he loved Liv and he wanted another baby with her but he just had too much on his plate right now. He just needed to go somewhere to get away. Somehow he had ended up heading back to Santa Barbra. Sure his son had just tried to kill himself there a week ago but he still wanted to go back there for some reason that he could not explain.

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A couple hours later he found himself standing in the foyer of the house. He knew didn't know what to do or where to go. After wandering around the grounds he headed upstairs to try to get a nap in without interruptions from doctors or babies. As he walked down the long hallway towards the master he suddenly saw the wooden door at the far end of the hall. He knew that he shouldn't go in there that everything in that room would bring him pain but he just had to. As he got closer to the door he rested his hand on the cold marble doorknob. After a moment of hesitation he pushed the door open and entered the room. He remembered when he first brought Olivia to the house she had asked him why he never wanted to stay in that room considering it was one of the most beautiful in the house. He remembered coming up with some BS excuse since he didn't want to reveal to his girlfriend that that was the room he had shared with his dead wife. He shuttered at the word _Dead,_ he had never liked to say that, he never liked to admit that she was really gone. He instead choose to believe she was just on an extended trip to visit her parents back in North Carolina. As he walked into the huge room he felt like he was going to be sick. Part of him wanted to leave and never come back. This whole room was filled with memories of her. They had always stayed in this room, they had made love in that bed countless times. Hell Jerry had probably been conceived right in that bed. He slowly walked over to the bed and collapsed onto it. He closed his eyes and for the first time since her death he let the memories fill his head.

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 _17 years ago:_

 _It was late at night and Fitz was lying on their bed. When they had bought this house they had make sure to get one of the highest quality bed they could find since they spent so much time on it. He glanced at the football game he was watching. He felt so lonely in this big bed all alone, he knew that Mellie was downstairs working on legal briefs for her case tomorrow. She had become a partner at her firm last year which he couldn't be more proud about, but it did mean she was far busier then she had ever been. He loved how hard she worked but right now he really wanted her to stop working so she could come upstairs and they could cuddle among other things. Suddenly as if she read his mind the door to their bedroom opened and Mellie appeared wearing sweat pants and a tee-shirt. She climbed onto the bed and snuggled up next to him._

" _I've been thinking" she said softly as she rested her head on his shoulder_

" _Oh yeah ... what about?" he asked_

" _About how I think we should start trying for a baby" she said as his mouth dropped open in shock_

" _But I thought you said you wanted to wait until things were more settled with work"_

" _They are settled though, my win on the Porter case really cemented my partnership and I don't know I just feel ready" she admitted_

" _Oh my god Mel's that's so amazing" He said as he literally radiated happiness. He loved children so much and he couldn't wait to have one of their own. He pulled her into his arms and began kissing her all over as he started to quickly remove her clothes. After a second though she pulled away which caused him to worry that she had changed her mind._

" _Mel's what's wrong?" he asked_

" _Nothing I just … I want to take things slow I don't want to just have sex, I want to make love. I want our baby to be conceived in love, I want it to have a life filled with all the love in the world and I want that love to start now and last forever because I want our baby to just have all the love we never had growing up."_

" _Of course … I want that too, I want our baby to know every day how much we love it."_

XXXX

Fitz felt sick as he thought about that moment, they were so young, so in love. She had told him that she wanted their baby to have love no matter what. Why haden't he listened to her? Why had he pushed Jerry away … he knew why, because he was afraid, afraid that he would hurt him

XXXX

 _16 years ago:_

 _It was the one month anniversary of her death. The one month anniversary of him tripping over his wife's dead body. He was drunk, so drunk he could barely stand. He had tried throwing himself into work which had been okay but tonight he just couldn't do it. He was sad and lonely and he just wanted to feel nothing. Suddenly he heard the sound of crying echo through the house. He couldn't believe that he had to raise this baby by himself. He knew nothing about kids much less babies. After 5 minutes the crying still haden't stopped, he couldn't believe he had given the nanny the night off, what the hell was he supposed to do now? Finally he couldn't handle the crying so he stumbled down the hall towards the baby's room. He hated this room so much … she had decorated it which made it awful. When he got to the crib he tried to calm the baby but nothing was working. He just wanted the crying to stop, he just wanted quiet. Suddenly before he knew what he was doing he began to shake the baby. After a second he suddenly realized what he was doing and he quickly stopped. He couldn't believe what he was doing. He had shook the baby, he could have killed him. He couldn't believe what he had done … he had hurt someone else and he couldn't handle that._

Fitz sighed …. How the fuck had he screwed up so much? He had told himself that Jerry was safer away from him but he had been so wrong. He had pushed jerry away just as he had pushed Mellie away as well.

XXXX

 _17 years ago:_

" _Tell me what's wrong tell me what I did, just tell me so I can make it right" he ordered_

" _Nothing is wrong …. Nothing is wrong... I just don't want to go!" Mellie said her voice frantic with a touch of fear_

" _This isn't just some diner Mellie, it's a diner to honor my father, I thought you two were close"_

" _We are" she shot back defensively_

" _Oh please you can't stand to be in the same room as the man, I don't know what the hell happened, you used to like him more than I do"_

" _That's not fair"_

" _Why … why isn't it fair" he asked angrily as he tried to touch her but she pulled away "Why the hell won't you let me touch you? You're my wife but you won't let me touch you … you sure as hell won't sleep with me" he said as he walked forward towards her and caressed her face for a split second before she pulled away. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" he screamed as she ran out of the room._

 _Of all the awful things he had done, this was the worst. He had been so caught up in why she wouldn't let him touch her that he had ignored the fact that she was obviously struggling. The last time they spoke was that moment when he screamed at her. Only 14 hours later he knew what was wrong with her but it was too late. She was already gone._


	27. Chapter 27

Hey guys so here's the next chapter. Just to clarify, I'm writing this exactly like the show only changing it so that she dies from her suicide attempt. So basically Mellie was raped and then she got pregnant and just like on the show she never knew who the father was. Just like on the show that's why she committed suicide, only this time Andrew didn't find her. So basically she died and nobody knew about the rape so they all just assumed she had post partem depression. So anyway I hope that helps clears stuff up. Just to note this is takes place right after the last chapter. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas, enjoy :)

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Fitz just lay on the bed thinking about how epically he had screwed up. He had drove them both to kill themselves. One wouldn't think after everything with Mellie he would be beter at spotting people in crisis but clearly he haden't learned his lesson. He felt like he was drowning, between Cyrus and Olivia and Jerry it was just so much to handle. He slowly rolled over and buried his head in a pillow before just letting himself as he screamed into the pillow. He stayed like that for a couple minutes just screaming as he took all his pent up anger on this poor pillow. After a few minutes he rolled back over accidentally knocking the pillow off the bed. As he reached off the bed to grab the pillow a flash of green caught the corner of his eye. The second he saw it he knew what it was. Every part of him was telling him to leave the box alone for it would only bring him pain but for some reason he grabbed it anyway. As he pulled it onto the bed he ran his finger over the mint green surface. He remembered when Mellie's mother had first given it to him. It had been a few weeks after the funeral and she had shown him the box filled with memorabilia of Mellie. He couldn't believe her, he didn't want to think about her much less see a box full of her stuff. That night she had also offered that she move to California to help take care of Jerry. At that moment between the box and the idea of somebody related to Mellie being near him all the time, he just snapped. He told her all about how Mellie hated her and how Mellie's horrible childhood was what led to her death. He told her what a horrible person she was and that he would be dammed if he let her anywhere near his son. He had told her to get out of his house and out of his life because he wouldn't be beter off without him. After that he had considered throwing the box in the fire but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had instead left it in this room convinced he would never come in this room ever again.

After a few minutes of hesitation he slowly pulled the cover off the large green box. The second he opened it he was immediately shocked at how full it was. There was probably a dozen things in the box surrounded by white tissue paper. He slowly and carefully began to remove things as his heart continued to break. The first thing he pulled out was a jar filled with what dried up leaves. He was confused until he poured them out on the bed and saw what they really were. They were the rose petals he had scattered all over the beach when he proposed to her all those years ago. He couldn't believe that Mellie's mother had kept them all those years. Next he pulled out a bottle of perfume that the second he smelled it, it was like she was right back there with him. He forgotten her smell but now that he smelled this it brought back so many memories. Next he pulled out a bunch of papers tied together. After examining them he realized what they were, they were love letters they had wrote each other when he was in the Navy. The second he saw those he began to feel tears flood his eyes. There were hundreds of them, all of them filed with I love you's and I miss you's. As he began to read them he felt himself getting closer to the breaking point. He quickly shoved the letters back in the box as he pulled out the next thing, her favorite cashmere sweater which he just held for a few minutes. It was so soft it was almost like they were still cuddling again. After that he pulled out a couple other things including her certificate of top of her class at Harvard and a locket he had given her on their wedding night. He couldn't believe all the things that were in here, it had been almost 17 years since he had seen anything that belonged to her. After her death he had had every trace of her existence whipped from his life. He had tried to just forget her but clearly not acknowledging her existence was what had made Jerry so messed up. He was about to close the box when he saw that there was one thing left in the box. As he pulled away the tissue paper he suddenly saw a small phot album at the bottom of the box. As he pulled out the album he flipped it open and immediately felt sick. There were countless photos including ones of them at Harvard, her in his arms only seconds after he arrived home from the navy, and photos from their wedding. In every single one they looked so happy and in love. He couldn't believe how everything had become so screwed up. As he got to the last page of the album he felt his heart shatter as tears began to roll down his face. It was a photo of him and Mellie and Jerry only minutes after his birth. He stared at the photo for a second before he began to break down. Huge tears ran down his face and he continued to sob uncontrollably. He was supposed to protect them, they were his family and he was supposed to take care of them he was supposed to keep them safe. As he continued to sob he grabbed the cashmere sweater and held it close to him.

"Why…. Why did you leave Mel's? I… I couldn't handle it I …I pushed him away … I drove him to death just like you" he said with a sob "We were in love …. What happened? Why didn't you tell me you were in pain? You didn't tell me because it was my fault right? I killed you and I'm killing him" he said as his sobs got much louder. After about an hour of just lying their sobbing uncontrollably he finally got up but only to grab some scotch so he could drown his sorrows in it. Finally a couple hours later he got up haphazardly putting the things back in the box before stumbling out of the room. The second he got into the hallway it became clear that his agents had heard everything.

"None of you ever mention this again"


	28. Chapter 28

Hey guys so here's the next chapter ... I'm really facing some serious writers block of how to continue this story but I'm hoping If I just keep writing then some ideas will come to me . So anyway some of you guys have been asking if Fitz will find out about the rape but the thing is I can't think of a way that he would considering that the only people who know what happened are already dead. So here's the next chapter, I'm sorry that I didn't update sooner but I was on vacation and I didn't have wifi. So I will try to update soon but I still have the figure out where to go from here.

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He felt his eyelids slowly flutter open as he squinted at the bright artificially lit room. As he tried again to open his eyes, this time much slower he was finally able to let them adjust to the bright harsh light. Once he opened his eyes he had a few seconds of confusion where he didn't remember where he was. He began to soon as he felt the restraints on his arm and remember that he was handcuffed to a bed in the bottom of a presidential bunker. He knew that Cyrus and the Whitehouse spin team did not want this getting public and ruining the perfect Grant family Image so instead they kept him locked up down here and away from the light of day. He continued to try to pull on the restrains in a desperate attempt to break free. As hard as he pulled they refused to break. He knew it was no use but he continued to fiddle with them as he heard the door open and Kate the tall blond doctor entered the room. He quickly tried moved back into his original position in a hope that she would not notice what he had been doing

"I saw that … those things are made to stop suicidal people of all strengths so if they don't break for buff strong men then they definitely won't break for you" she pointed out

"Well I have to keep trying anyway, I mean I'm basically being held prisoner." He pointed out

"Well those handcuffs are your own choice, if you agree to answer my questions then I can take them off for a bit." She informed

"So if I cooperate I get freed?" he asked as a huge lightbulb went off in his head.

"Yeah … I believe in rewarding good behavior so if you cooperate then we help you"

"Okay fine I'll answer your questions"

"Great let's get started" she said in a chipper voice

"Wait no first you have to unchain me … that was the deal, you unchain me and then I answer your questions." He pointed

"Fine" she said as she grabbed a small key from her pocket and used it unlock each of the handcuffs. "So … let's talk"

XXXX

3 days later:

It had been 3 days since he had started cooperating and just as Kate promised he had been given more and more privileges. He had been allowed to walk around and he was even given his phone back so he could binge watch House of Cards on Netflix. Little by little he was revealing more and testing more boundaries. He knew that they would send Fitz to talk to him soon and he was read … ready to give the performance of a lifetime.

XXXX

1 day later:

It was early in the morning when Fitz arrived at the bunker. He had not been here since he left last week to go to California. After his whole breakdown he was trying his best to keep it together. After California he had to go back to D.C, and deal with a terror crisis in East Sudan. In fact he was so stretched on time that right after his meeting here he would be heading back to D.C to dive right back into nonstop meetings with the joint chiefs. He was worried right now though not about foreign issues but instead about what was going on with his suicidal son. As soon as he got to the bunker he was rushed into a waiting room where he was being briefed by a doctor

"So how is he?" Fitz asked

"He's really great actually, he's actually opening up and talking to the doctors are really going deep into his feelings."

"Seriously? I thought he was going to be all messed up and sullen" Fitz admitted

"Yeah I know it surprised all of us how open he's been but you know it's a good thing, talking and sharing will only lead to healing which is exactly what Jerry needs right now."

"That's great … is he any beter now?" Fitz asked careful not to get his hopes up

"He does actually seem much beter, in fact if you wanted to you could talk to him for a few minutes"

"Wait you mean like face to face me in the room"

"Yeah I mean if you want to sir"

"Yeah um … of course"

"Great I'll show you where it is." She said as she led him down the hallways towards a large metal door. He slowly pushed it open and entered the large bright white room. The second he closed the door Jerry turned around for one second to see him before turning his attention back to his phone.

"What you watching?" Fitz asked as he walked closer to him

"Oh um House of Cards … um by the way have you ever thrown someone in front of a subway or locked someone in a garage while their car is on in order to gain power?"

"I can't say I have"

"Ugh why is normal politics so boring I mean on house of cards they kill everyone to get to the top"

"Well I don't think that killing everyone is a good thing"

"If it brings you power it's a good thing … relax I'm kidding"

"Good I was getting concerned" Fitz admitted

"Don't worry I'm not going kill people … as Kate said that would be counterproductive"

"Yes killing people is wrong… killing yourself is wrong too"

"Yes well I see now that that was a stupid and reckless idea that would cause more harm than good"

"I'm glad … I just want to … I just want … ugh I listen I …. You know when you got to a hospital the first thing they ask you is to rate your pain from 1 to 10 and I remember one time when I was little my father beat me in a drunken rage and broke a couple of my ribs and I remember when I finally went to the hospital the nurse asked me to rate the pain and I gave it a nine. I remember later the nurse came back and she said I was strong because I get a 10 a 9 but the truth was I was saving my 10 and the day that your mother died I used it .. That was the hardest and most painful day of my life and I was sad and angry and I took that anger and that pain and I put it on you and I see that now and I realize how wrong I was and how much pain I caused you and I am so so sorry and I know you might never forgive me but … I'm sorry"

"I do"

"What?"

"I do forgive you … I don't hold any grudges anymore"

"Seriously? Are we really good?"

"Were good" Jerrys said as he reached out and hugged his father not letting him see the smirk on his face… oh what fools people could be.


	29. Chapter 29

Hey guys so here's the next chapter I'm happy/ sad to report that there will only be one more after this. I have decided that a solid 30 will be a good place to leave it. So I know that many of you wanted me to continue but believe me this is where I am best suited to leave off. I just want to thank everyone who has read this and enjoyed this story. I also want to thanks Reader575 who gave me lots of great ideas. Now the thing is I really don't see a way to weave the rape into the story. It's just as we know on the show she never told anyone. So when I started this story it was just a random idea and now it has grown to my longest story ever. I have considered writing a sequel but as you will see I have pretty much tied up all the loose ends so I don't really see space for a sequel. Anyway thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter which takes place about a year into the future.

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14 months later:

It had been 14 months since that moment in the bunker and everything had changed. Jerry had spent a long time in the bunker getting better. He had attended hours of both therapy and rehab helping him recover emotionally and physically. It had mostly been stupid people asking about how he felt about himself and about his family and about the world. He was smart and always gave them these sappy bushtit answers that they assumed was how he really felt. In reality though he was just fooling them all in an attempt to get out early. His plan succeeded and he was allowed to leave the bunker 2 weeks early and start his plans. Even when he left the bunker he was sworn into secrecy by his father so that so that the press would never get wind of what happened. It was ironic the lengths Fitz had gone to keep it out of the press considering it would all come out in a couple of days. Anyway once he left the bunker he was allowed to go home. Well as much of a home as the Whitehouse could be. He had wanted to go back to boarding school but Fitz insisted on keeping him at the Whitehouse and he obliged … it was easier anyway to destroy the enemy from within anyway. After a year at the Whitehouse going to some stupid day school in D.C. he was accepted to Harvard University. While to most that sounds amazing it wasn't a big deal to him considering he was the president son so he could get in wherever he applied even though he had a suspicious gap in his transcript. Although he was enrolled in Harvard he barely spent any time there opting instead to spend most of his time lying on Harvey's couch. He had also decided that he would take a semester off due to the impending media storm that would uproot his life. He couldn't believe he was actually doing this … he was actually letting the truth come out. It was funny … of all the therapists he had talked to he had never felt as good as when he talked to Harvey.

He glanced at his watch and saw the time … he would have to get going if he was going to be on time with his meeting with Fitz. He knew that Fitz thought it was a father son bonding lunch but Jerry knew it would be far more than that. As he stood up in the Harvard cafeteria he grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. It wasn't very heavy which was ironic because the book it was carrying contained things that had weighed him down for a long time. As he pushed his chair under the table and walked out of the cafeteria he noted how free he felt without his secret service detail. When the children of presidents turned 18 they were no longer granted protection which was the most amazing thing ever in Jerry's mind. He loved the feeling of finally being free of his father's henchmen. In reality though he was actually spending more time with Fitz than ever in an attempt to keep up appearances and fool everyone into believing he was the perfect son. This charade would finally be over today when he finally revealed the truth. He had no clue how Fitz was going to react but to tell the truth he didn't care anymore … he had already agreed to stop caring about Fitz when he shook Harvey's hand for the first time.

As he walked through the quad he had flashbacks to boarding school. It was funny … he never knew how to feel when he thought about that place. On one hand all the guys were ass holes on the other hand it was the place where he spent most of his childhood which had something to be said for it. As he walked farther across campus he boarded a bus which took him to the restaurant where he was meeting with his father. As soon as he got in he was ushered into a room where Fitz was waiting for him. After a few minutes of pleasantries there conversation began to flow.

"So have you been taped for any secret societies?" Fitz asked

"Oh yeah um a couple of them" he admitted

"That's great … I loved the one I was in at Yale … it will be one of the best experiences of your life"

"Yeah I know I'm just having trouble deciding which one"

"Well um are your friends tapped for any of them?"

"Oh well I don't really have friends here so …" he trailed off

"You can't be serious … I thought you were like Mr. Popular"

"Yeah well I've just been way to busy working on my book to make friends"

"Your book? I thought you wanted to go into finance."

"Oh I do but I'm writing a book well I'm not writing it but Pulitzer Prize winning author Harvey Deen is and it will arguably be the biggest book of his career. It's a chilling book about a young boy abandoned and harassed by his somewhat high profile father who looks like the perfect parent but is actually a monster who has taken away any chance of my happiness."

"Wait a second are you serious?" Fitz asked in shock

"Oh yeah I mean it's already written and edited and it even has a name … Growing up Grant … it's all set and ready for print but I decided to be nice and give you an advanced copy" he said sarcastically as he grabbed the glossy book from his backpack before sliding it across the table to Fitz who looked at it in horror

"Jerry you can't do this … this will ruin my career"

"Oh I know … that's kind of the point the point … you know get revenge on those who have screwed you over kind of thing."

"Jerry I get that something is wrong and I'm glad you're lashing out this way instead of hurting yourself again but why don't we just shut down this little stint and get you some more help."

"Get me some help … you mean like handcuffing me to a bed in a concrete bunker without letting me see the light of day for 3 months? Because if that's what you mean by help then I'm good …. Besides I'm going to have a bunch of interviews and book signings that will be full of me spilling all the salacious details of how you fucked up my life before heading out on the campaign trail and making sure that you don't make it to a second term. "

"Please Jerry I know you're mad but …"

"Oh I am more than mad … I'm livid … and I always told myself that you would burn in hell but you know since you've cheated death before I realized I would be a long time away so I just needed to make you burn in this life by finally telling the world what an evil sick twisted monster you are"

"Jerry if you do this you will be walking out on your family and you can never come back … if you do this you will lose your family forever."

"Lose my family? That's imposable because you can't lose what you never had. I NEVER had a family … no matter how much I hoped and wished and prayed I never had a family all I had was somebody who made my life a living hell and I'm going to describe the hell to the whole world in a Barbra Walters exclusive interview …

I will destroy you and I will dance on your grave


	30. Chapter 30

Hey guys so here is the last chapter. Now the sight didn't move the last chapter to the top so you might not have seen it so please check it out first. Anyway as I said this is the last chapter and I just want to thank everyone who has read this story and everyone who's left reviews. When I started this story it was just a silly idea and now it's my longest story ever. I love this story and I hate to let it go but I know it's time Now I've considered writing a sequel but I've pretty much tied up every loose end so I don't see it as a possibility. I mean if y'all want a sequel but I just don't think it's possible. Anyway I just want to thank everyone who supported this story and I'm considering writing some other story pertaining to the kid's so please look out for that and again thank you all for everything…. Love you guy's xoxo

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6 years later:

It was a last minute decision to go to the hospital. Fitz had already been in South Africa for a week long UN sponsored goodwill trip when he realized that his morning was free. He decided to use that time to stop by the Johannesburg children's hospital as a P.R. stunt. Leo had taught him that you should never let the opportunity for a photoshoot go to waste. He had first met Leo Bergen legendary D.C fixer after the whole fiasco with Jerry. The days after the release of Jerrys book had been the darkest of his presidency. His approval ratings had tanked to the low 20's and a second term had seemed imposable. Fitz had always positioned him as Mr. Family values but Jerrys shocking expose completely undermined that. The book had painted the picture of an awful father hell bent on destroying his son's life. Although parts of the story wasn't even true it didn't matter, people loved to see family in turmoil so they became enthralled in Jerry's story. For a while all hope for a second term was lost until Leo came in and rescued them all. He had scheduled tons interviews as damage control along with P.R stunts around the country trying to rehab his image. It would take thousands of adorable family photos and the birth of their youngest son Tate to get him back in the people's good graces. Finally they were able to again sell the family man narrative. Leo's damage control worked so well that it got him a second term. His second turn which was finally free of controversy was one of the most successful ever. He had pushed new legislation, balanced the budget and improved the overall quality of living for all Americans. Finally after 8 successful years he left office with the highest approval rating post World War 2. He and Olivia had decided instead of moving back to California which contained lots of bad memories for Fitz they instead moved to Vermont. They bought a beautiful home on 30 acres which gave the kids great space to run and play and really enjoy nature. The kids were older now, Bradley and Regan were almost 13 while Tate their youngest had just turned 7. It was always crazy raising 5 kids with their busy schedules but they always found a way. They loved their kids and they loved the seemingly perfect life that they led.

Soon Fitz arrived at the hospital to the huge cheering crowds that followed him wherever he went. As he entered the hospital he instructed his agents to not let any of the fan's in in order to not disrupt the sick children. The hospital staff had known he was coming so they had prepared special patients for him to visit along with a camera drew to follow him around. As he was shown around the hospital he met kids with all different conditions. Some with cancers, some missing limbs, and some who were premature newborns. As he stared through the glass at the newborns he smiled at the boys in their light blue swaddles. He remembered always feeling horrible when he cried at the baby boys. It was fine with the girls but with the boys he was supposed to be a man that they looked up to and a man doesn't cry. Even so he cried all three times. He felt a tiny pain in his chest almost as his body reminding him that he had cried for 4 sons but to him he only had 3. I mean sure biologically Jerry was his son, but he had betrayed him, tried to sabotage him in the press and had brought undue turmoil on his life. Fitz had warned him that if he went through with the book that he would not have a family to go back to. Of course Jerry had gone through with it and had given up any chance of them ever being a family. Besides even if he could find it within himself to forgive Jerry he couldn't even find him. After the press stopped caring about his story Jerry had vanished without a trace. He had dropped out of Harvard and then it was like he had fallen off the face of the earth never to be found again. Fitz tried not to think about him for all it would do was cause him anger but sometimes Jerry slipped into his thoughts. Part of him wondered if Jerry was even still alive or if his absence meant that he had killed himself. He didn't care or at least that's what he told himself anyway. He quickly pushed Jerry out of his head as he continued touring the hospital. As he walked down the hall he saw the outline of a man rounding the corner. The second Fitz's saw the man he stopped dead in his tracks. His skin was tan and his hair was grown out but the second he saw those brilliant blue eyes he knew that they boy standing in front of him was Jerry. The second Jerry saw him he to stopped dead as the color drained from his face.

"What the hell are you doing here" Fitz snapped

"Listen can we please do this somewhere more private … please" Jerry said as his face remained ghostly white. As Fitz saw the pleading in Jerrys eyes he motioned for 2 of his agents to take jerry to an empty room across the hall and surprisingly Jerry didn't fight back. The second Fitz entered the room he slammed the door

"So you stalking me now?" Fitz barked as he got closer

"No I'm not stalking you" he shot back

"Oh really so you reappearing at the exact time and place that I'm t is just a coincidence"

"Yeah it is okay it's some fucked up coincidence I was trying to avoid by staying out of sight but the one time I don't this has to fucking happen"

"Wow you won't even admit that you stalking me"

"FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT STALKING YOU"

"Oh okay so if you're not stalking me what the hell are you doing at a children's hospital in South Africa?"

"I can't tell you that" he muttered not meting his father's eyes

"No excuse okay then I will have the fed's arrest you for stalking me and making treats on my life"

"Wait! No please you can't do this … I need to get out of here, my son's surgery's in an hour" he blurted out

"You seriously couldn't come up with a beter excuse? A fiction child you really are crazy"

"HE'S NOT MADE UP, HE'S ACROSS THE HALL IN A HOSPITAL ROOM WAITING FOR A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT AND I SHOULD BE THEIR WITH HIM BUT INSTEAD OF HERE WITH YOU!" Jerry barked

"Wait you seriously have a kid? That's not possible your barely 25"

"So I had kids young at least I didn't abandon them"

"Wait a second kids? Like multiple?" Fitz asked in disbelief … was he really a grandfather? \

"Yes multiple … their twins … who do you think is giving the other a kidney? Henry already gave the kidney but now Clarke has to go through full surgery to get it installed or he's on dialysis his whole life." Jerry explained in frustration

"Clarke like after your mothers last name?" Fitz asked in disbelief

"Yeah exactly … Clarke and Henry … my little boys"

"I didn't know…" Fitz explained

"Yeah well that was the whole point, after my grandmother died I took my trust fund and I paid someone to make me disappear. Clearly it worked until now … I knew I never should have left the island but I only came here because I want to have the best hospital for Clarke." She explained as he exited the room followed by Fitz. Jerry walked across the hall to the doorway to a room where two identical blond little boys were lying in hospital beds , on the sofa a young woman with blond hair was asleep her head resting on Henrys sweatshirt that Jerry brought everywhere.

"I'm glad you're looking out for your kids Jerry … I … I bet you're a great dad even though you had the worst example in the world. I mean I was awful to you and I'm so sorry … I just … I want you to know I'm sorry … if I could back and be better I would but it's too late and I mean clearly you're doing better without me so I'm going to go but I just want you to know how proud I am of you. "

"Thank you … and I'm sorry … I'm sorry that you lost her but at least you have Olivia now and I have my family and your right I am beter because I finally have the thing I thought I've never have …. A real family"

XXXX

Anybody in tears? I was a little bit, I'm so glad they all found happiness even if it wasn't together. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing. Xoxo love you all thank you so mu for your support and I hope you all have a happy new year


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